Wicked Wednesday 265 – Shopping (Do It Yourself)

They walked into Home Depot and he led the way directly to aisle 15, grinning to himself as she tagged along rather listlessly. He started pulling at rope lengths and looked at her, “What do you think? 30 foot lengths Plus some extra just in case.” There was a mischievous gleam in his eye that she couldn’t miss and she nodded slowly. “I think so.” As they moved through the store with their rope they picked up various other things; a wooden dowel or two, a yardstick, some double ended bolt snaps, and several other miscellaneous objects that he thought could prove interesting. She understood the rope, but what was the purpose for everything else he’d bought? She queried him on this and he merely smiled, “You’ll see dear.”

Arriving home he sent her inside to relax and got to work out in the garage. It didn’t take long for him to assemble everything. The spreader bars in two different lengths took no time at all and the wood he’d picked up for the paddle was coming along nicely when she called out. “Hon, do you want lunch?” “I’ll be a bit, go ahead and eat!” He spoke over the noise of the saw and smiled to himself because he knew she was curious about his plans. After finishing up the paddle he made short work of a simple rope flogger he’d seen on one of the many BDSM do-it-yourself websites he’d visited and couldn’t wait to surprise her with some the new toys.

Later that night he blindfolded her as he brought everything inside and then led her to their bedroom where he carefully stripped her clothing from her body, leaving gentle touches and kisses in his wake. He cuffed her wrists and ankles and then went to work. The longer spreader bar was clipped to her ankles and the short one to her wrists. She wouldn’t be touching him or herself tonight. He pulled his raven haired beauty across his lap and smacked her ass with a bare hand. She whimpered softly, “Please hit me again.” and he did, over and over until her pretty heart shaped ass was a delightful shade of red. “Are you ready for more?”

She nodded and he picked up the paddle, he was raining blows upon her ass one after the other, too fast to be counted and her ass started to turn bright red, almost purple in spots and she cried out with each hit. He could feel how wet she was just from being spanked. He put the paddle down, smoothing his hands across her ass and let her relax against him. His fingers traveled further where he could just see the pinkness of her flesh between her legs and he touched her gently, finding her wetness and sucked a finger clean of the taste. She moaned and struggled to part her legs further, wanting more. “Not yet.” He repositioned her on the bed and began to tease her with the rope flogger, dragging it along her skin, using light gentle hits across her upper back and down along her thighs. He let her relax into the feeling and smiled as she began to squirm for him. Her hands and ankles still trapped and her body spread for him, she was helpless and he liked her that way. He flipped her face up on the bed effortlessly, as though she were a doll and leaned down to her for a kiss. “Are you ready for me, little one?” “Oh yes, please…”

He grinned and his finger traced a long her slit, opening her to him, and moving back up to touch her clit, rubbing at it gently and around it slowly, torturing his lovely submissive wife with the promise of orgasms yet to be had. Two fingers delved into her pussy while he taunted her by rubbing just a little to softly for that orgasm to come and he fucked her slowly gently, letting the feelings build higher and higher. After what seemed like forever of him teasing her looked looked at her and fluttered his fingers. Come for me. Now!” And she did, writhing on the bed struggling in her bonds as best she could and lifting her hips up from the bed, her body weight seemingly supported only by the bars he had linked her to. She fell back to the bed with a sigh and grinned at him. “May I have another?” He swatted gently at her dripping pussy causing her to jump and shudder again and looked at her, “Really?” and he swatted her again, landing the strikes firmly across her clit and pussy and she moaned. She felt like she was on fire. His hand moved in a slow pattern never ceasing the slaps and swats except to occasionally lean down and lick and suck at her clit for a moment to increase the sensitivity of her body. Eventually with one final, hard slap she tumbled over the edge and found herself shuddering on the bed, another orgasm wracking her restrained body. He smiled down at her. “Now it’s my turn, little one.”

He released her blindfold and wrists and ankles from the cuffs and rubbed gently at them to make sure she was OK. Then he walked over and pulled her up into his arms for a kiss. Her arms snaked around his neck and she held tightly to him for a long moment before he released her and push he back down on the bed. “I want you to suck me off gorgeous. And I want to watch you swallow my come. You can do that for me, little one.” She grinned eagerly and reached for the snap of his pants and made short work of them so she could get at his cock. Getting up on her hands and knees on the bed, she hungrily sucked him into her mouth humming as she did so. He bucked his hips, having been more than ready for her and knew he wouldn’t last long in her warm, wet mouth. She pulled away with an audible pop and liked his shaft like a lollipop, swirling her tongue around the head. One hand cupped his balls and she gently played with them as she took him fully back into her mouth, relaxing her throat as she did so. She swallowed twice and he could feel the movement gripping at him before she back off just a bit, hollowing her cheeks to suck him hard. His hips were twitching constantly by now and he knew he was going to come soon. She loved sucking him off as much as he loved her doing it and she was damn good at it. As she squeezed his balls gently and again took him into her mouth with a moan he threw his head back, arching his hips into her mouth and shot his come down her throat. She swallowed every last drop happily and pulled away to grin up at him. He smiled at her, “And that wasn’t even everything we bought today.”

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In case you missed last week’s Wicked Wednesday, you can find it here.

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Dreaming a Dream

She walked barefoot along the shoreline, the waves dancing at her feet; it must’ve been a mile or more until she spotted the cabin just beyond the dunes. She saw the steps next and headed towards them, almost sad to leave the water that chased after her on the tide. But she was excited at the possibilities that lay before her tonight.

The woman knocked softly at the cabin door and waited; slowly the door opened and she stepped inside unsure of what to expect. Firm hands grabbed her arms and pulled her close and she felt another set of hands blindfolding her before she could get a good look at her surroundings. She had a momentary flash of fear as she realized that bad things could happen here tonight, or maybe, very good things. She began to tremble ever so slightly. “Are you scared?” came a familiar voice, one that she had been hearing on the phone for months. She nodded her head, not trusting her voice and jumped as the cabin door opened and then closed with a thump. “Don’t be afraid of me. I promised I wouldn’t hurt you and I won’t. We’ll do this together. It’s just us now.”

Gradually Anna relaxed and the grip on her arms loosened. Her captor pulled Anna close and just held onto her for a long moment. Anna inhaled finding a sharp, spicy scent with a hint of flowers that lingered in her nose and she decided that she quite liked it. Even blindfolded Anna was graceful and she leaned into her mystery person and whispered,”Shall we?”

That was enough and the pretty, petite, blonde was crushed against a soft form and given a kiss that would (and did) make Anna’s toes curl into the hard wood floor beneath her feet. Just as quickly she was released by this nameless person and she shivered in the cool air as her short dress was peeled deliberately down her arms and the fabric slithered from her body. Anna’s nipples puckered in the air and suddenly there was a warm wet mouth around one and gentle fingers pinching and pulling at the other. After a moment the mouth and fingers changed places and Anna moaned softly, arching her body up, aching for more. She sensed the figure in front of her kneeling and felt her thighs being nudged apart gently. That warm, wet mouth that had teased her nipples was now licking and biting at her inner thighs, urging her to spread them further and as she did, she found herself locked in an embrace, pulled tightly against this soft mouth that laved her mons with attention, teasing her, barely touching her, dipping lower still to find the treasure they sought.

Anna was on her toes by now, grinding her hips, seeking more contact and she groaned as she felt her partner pull away, with a soft, low laugh. Giving no warning their hands found her ass, lifting her just a little, pressing her back against the wall and giving her what she wanted, what she craved. Her body spasmed in the darkness that trapped her and she struggled, wanting to hold out against the lips and tongue that drove her wild, wanting things to last and last.

She shot awake, gasping for air and half moaning as she sat up in bed, her throbbing pussy wet and aching. Her husband, awakened by his wife’s movements rolled over and looked at her. “That dream again?” She nodded and reached for him without a word.

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Wicked Wednesday 264 – Nightmare (That’s Not How Good Girls Act)

“That’s not how good girls act, now is it Maria?” His voice was sharp and angry and disappointed. Maria hung her head knowing just how much trouble she was in. It was never good when Sir called her by her first name at home. And she also knew exactly what she’d done wrong. She had a feeling this punishment was going to be a severe one.

“So…my Babygirl decided to misbehave. Again. Breaking a rule that you’ve already broken how many times now? Three? And this makes four. What should I do with my little one?” Sir was thinking aloud just for her benefit she knew. She knew better than to masturbate or orgasm without his explicit permission, but sometimes she couldn’t seem to control herself. Maria knew right then and there that’ she’d better learn some more self control and very, very fast. “Sir, I’m so sorry Sir. I know I’ve been a screw up and you’ve been far more patient with me than I deserve. Tell me what I can do to make things right?”, her voice ended in a broken whisper as the gravity of the situation overwhelmed her.

Dominic shook his head at her, “No Babygirl, there’s no wiggling out of this one with a pretty plea to make things better. I think we need a more severe punishment this time. Go to the bedroom, strip, and be waiting on the bed.” She walked away quickly, not daring to be even the tiniest bit slow to obey and Dominic wandered down to the basement where he had hidden a purchase he had hoped he wouldn’t have to use on his precious girl. But at this point, there seemed to be no other option. She was going to learn to obey him and all of his rules.

Going back upstairs, he left the device outside their room, and walked in to find her waiting as he expected. “Good girl. Now, your punishment starts with a spanking. With the cane.” His Babygirl made a face at the idea of the cane, but readily assumed the correct position for a spanking. His hand warmed and reddened her ass and the backs of her thighs before he applied the cane, which came down with even quick strikes too fast for her to count. By the end of it she was already in tears and she assumed this was just the beginning. Sir helped her roll over and even on the soft bed she whimpered a little as her ass and thighs made contact. “Now, lay back Babygirl and spread those thighs.”

Babygirl did as she was told and Sir grabbed some lube, dripping the coldness of it onto her clit. She shivered, not from the cold, but from anticipation and he shot her an evil little grin. Immediately his fingers were there, touching her, tracing her skin, teasing lightly. Gradually his focus shifted explicitly to her clit and he rubbed and circled it and teased her until she was begging him to let her orgasm. He never stopped his ministrations on her clit, but looked at her, “No. You see, I’m going to tease you and touch you and torture you until I decide you’ve had enough, but you will NOT come. Understood?” She lowered her eyes and nodded miserably, “Yes Sir.”

Dominic inwardly groaned because this was torture for him too. He just wanted to fuck her and feel her clench around his cock. And he still might fuck her, but only because he wanted to come. He was very curious to see her reaction when he brought forth the last part of her punishment. Meanwhile, he inserted two fingers into her pussy, noting just how wet and ready she was. He wondered if she’d be able to help herself when his fingers hit her g-spot. Dominic began to stroke in and out over and over while he rubbed gently at her clit. Babygirl arched her back and began to beg again, this time her voice coming out in a rushed babble of words; he shook his head no at her and kept fingering her, kept teasing her clit. Now and then he reached up to pinch a nipple or caress a sensitive place before resuming playing with her rock hard clit. He knew this was truly torture for her, but hopefully she would learn from it.

Finally after what seemed like was hours to the punished sub, he stopped. Only to undo his jeans and smile as her as he slid his throbbing cock inside her pussy. “Remember, Babygirl, no coming.” Dominic began to fuck her hard and fast, taking his pleasure as he wished while his darling girl thrashed about on the bed, still begging for an orgasm, begging for him to come inside her. She was desperate at this point and knew she wouldn’t be breaking the rules again. Finally with a soft groan Dominic ground himself against her body, the touch setting her even further aflame and shot a load of come deep inside her. Babygirl could feel his cock twitching and the warm jets hitting her inner walls and wanted to squeeze down to make it better for him, but she knew if she did, she’d lose the tiny shred of control she had had left so she lay there, taking what he gave to her and waiting to see what would happen next. Her mouth was dry and her voice hoarse from the pleading and begging and she blushed at her actions.

Dominic pulled away from his lovely submissive and smiled down at her. “Go clean up.” She thought her punishment was over. He left the room for a moment to retrieve his purchase and waited for her to finish her ablutions. When she walked out of the bathroom he simply held it up. “Ohhhhh, no Sir, please no, not that…” Tears filled her eyes and overflowed down her cheeks. “I told you, Maria, that you would learn your lesson this time. Now come here.” She walked over to him chastised all over at again at his use of her first name and stood with her legs spread letting him buckle the chastity belt in place. “You will ask me to remove it to relieve yourself, but otherwise you will wear this from now until I see fit to remove it. Be a very good girl and it will be soon. Misbehave and you’ll wear it longer. Understood.” Babygirl nodded, her face a mask of misery, but they both knew she had to learn somehow. What she didn’t know is that Sir had plans to push her to that edge again the next night and perhaps the following one as well. She’d just entered her own personal nightmare.

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Book Review: “Ask: Building Consent Culture” by Kitty Stryker

Consent is a vital point to leading a healthy life, not just sexually, but emotionally, physically, and mentally as well. In a world where rape culture is so prevalent, where young men get off with little to no punishment because it will ruin their future (see: Brock Turner, for example), we need to make these changes and start to learn and understand consent culture. Consent culture isn’t sex positive or sex negative, but instead it has become sex critical and is incredibly important to improving everyone’s lives in amazing ways.

Kitty Stryker is aiming to start a conversation we should already be having and to push the idea of consent forward with her book, “Ask: Building Consent Culture.” Covering the idea of consent everywhere from in the bedroom to out in the community and places in between, Ms. Stryker’s book is a striking anthology of consent and how it should ideally function throughout today’s society.

Everything from dealing with how to manage consent when you have a mental illness, to teaching children (and adults) consent in ways that engage them and empower them, to the idea that men need to be able to teach other men the concept of honor and how not to abuse any power they may feel that they have over people, and much more is covered in this book. I wish I could list every single instance and story that is told because in their own ways I found them all moving, learned something from them all, and deepened my own view of consent and consent culture.

“Ask: Building Consent Culture” teaches us that consent should start at home, within the family, and that children should be taught that they do have bodily autonomy and hugging a family member or friend is not required of them. And in chosen families rather than blood families that consent is equally important though perhaps infinitely more difficult to navigate even as adults. It goes on to demonstrate that consent culture should begin at a young age in order to help children understand that consent is necessary for asserting dominion over their own bodies or feelings. Akilah S. Richards’ article “Bodily Autonomy for Kids”, is a fantastic example of just how consent and intuition work together to keep a person safe and aware of their own personal boundaries which leads to a more well-adjusted view on consent culture as an adult.

Ms. Stryker’s book also touches on the idea of implied consent in sexual spaces and how that can lead to people mirroring those same behaviors in a society that is already heavily skewed towards implied consent. Getting an enthusiastic, informed consent is far better than assuming that “yes means yes.” To foster consent culture it must be brought out of those sexual situations and into our everyday lives and “Ask: Building Consent Culture” illustrates the point nicely. In order to have fully informed, enthusiastic consent, the sexual culture itself must change and that is something that “Ask” proposes to have happen. But in the year 2017, changing the culture around sex and sexuality is only the tip of the iceberg, because what really must change is the fabric of society itself. This book has done an excellent job of promoting this throughout the articles and stories written in these pages and is a must read for anyone who wishes to learn more about consent, to be more active in getting or giving consent, or just people who are interested in the modern sexual revolution.

You can pre-order “Ask: Building Consent Culture” on www.amazon.com for $14.95.

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A Clandestine Secret

There was a quiet knock at the door and after she checked to make sure it was him, she cracked it open to let him. She was completely nude this time and he pushed her back on the couch, kneeling between her legs. His lips and tongue seemed magical to her as he hit each and every spot that drove her wild. Soon her hips were rocking against his face as her breathing increased.

His tongue swiped from her pussy up to her clit and flicked it gently then harder before he put his hands on he hips and began to suck hungrily at her clit. She moaned, softly now and arched her back as an orgasm exploded through her, squirting against his face. He kept up the unrelenting pace and started his ministrations all over again determined to make her orgasm for him one more time. This time she fought it off riding the waves of pleasure coursing through her body. Finally she couldn’t take it and arched her body backwards and hips forward as her second orgasm hit, harder than the first. She was quite sated and she wanted his cock and told him so.

He obliged, releasing himself from his clothing and she wrapped her lips around the dick in front of her face. Slowly, she worked her way down his cock licking and teasing and simply enjoying the feel of him. Velvety soft, but so hard at the same time. His head was thrown back in pleasure and he gasped when she took him into her mouth. She working at his cock alternately sucking hard and soft, slow and fast, sometimes twirling her tongue around it. Licking it like a lollipop seemed to get his attention quite nicely and she trailed her tongue up and down the length of him, reveling in that scent and taste of a man.

With no warning she quickly took him back into her mouth and relaxed as far as she could letting him hit the back of her throat and swallowed quickly three times in succession. That was nearly his undoing, but he held off, loving the experience of a woman who was not his wife sucking his cock. He asked if he could video her and she nodded. His phone clicked to video as she licked and sucked and nibbled and teased him relentlessly with her tongue. Finally he just couldn’t hold out any longer and thrust himself into her mouth, jet after jet of his come coating her tongue. As she felt his orgasm slow and then subside she slowly moved her mouth off his cock, looked up at him, and opened her mouth wide to show the come in her mouth before she swallowed and grinned at him naughtily. “You might not want to let your wife find that video.”

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Kink of The Week – Porn

So I first discovered porn when I was about ten or eleven years old thanks to my Dad’s collection of Penthouse that he didn’t quite hide well enough from a nosy young girl. I’d check out the pictures and read the stories when I was home alone always very cognizant to be aware of the car pulling in. Penthouse taught me the meaning of words I probably shouldn’t have known at that age. I remember that cock was an easy one to figure out. Cunt and jizz took a little more work, but what I recall most was a picture of a busty blonde in tight black patent leather. Her tits were pushed up almost to overflowing and between a pair of thigh high boots, her pretty little pussy was shaved bare. The pictures of this woman entranced me (that should’ve been my first clue that I wasn’t straight.) As I grew older and we got an internet connection and a computer in the house I became more aware of porn and was able to piggyback off of whatever my dad was searching for. I’m sure he took the fall for me more than once, with or without realizing it. I do know that if he was aware of it, he never spoke to me about it, saving both of us what would have been a very embarrassing conversation.

And now, I’m an adult who reads and writes erotica for fun, reviews sex toys, and, if given the chance, would be interested in being part of a queer porn shoot. I think that last one will remain an unrealized dream, but that’s OK. I’ve spent years learning to become comfortable with myself and with my sexuality and I feel like pornography was a big part of that. It let me explore things vicariously that I could never have done in real life and it showed me that the things I wanted and happen to enjoy weren’t as bad or perverted as I was told by my ex. And I’m sure that in some way, my earliest experiences with those Penthouse magazines probably affected me. It might only be subconsciously, but being exposed to that at a young age may be part of why I’m so open minded today. Who knows?

I will say that, overall, my experiences with porn/erotica have been positive ones. We’re always growing and learning about ourselves and, to me, pornography is a large part of that for anyone who is constantly wanting to explore their sex life and find more ways to express their sexuality. Of course, one doesn’t need porn to do so, but I still feel there is an opening here for people to have free and honest conversation regarding sex, sexuality, and how porn either completes or competes with the ideas regarding any given sexual ideal or more. Being able to speak freely about such things can only further the human experience in my opinion and I’m glad that I’ve had such positive pornographic experiences in my life.

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Wicked Wednesday 263 – (Suggestions from the Back Seat)

Caroline grinned mischievously from the back seat of the car and leaned forward to look at Avery and Jeannie, her two best friends. “Hey guys, I have a crazy idea; feel free to say no if you want to. But I’m not sure you will. I know we’re all close and we have a history…well Jeannie and I do,” she paused to kiss Jeannie’s cheek gently before continuing, “and anyway I thought that maybe…maybe we could have a threesome?” She phrased that last bit as a question as her uncertainty began to show and she watch Avery and Jeannie look at one another across the front seat and began to stammer. “I…I…I mean it could be fun and stuff, but like…like I said feel free to tell me no and to shut up or whatever.”

Jeannie and Avery shared another look before Avery turned into a parking lot and put the car in park. “So, does this mean we should skip dinner?,” he queried. Jeannie shrugged and turned to Caroline. “Are you sure about this? You seem nervous.” “I’m sure that I want to do it, but bringing it up is a little scary. I don’t want to do anything to damage our friendship.” Avery smiled, “Asking questions isn’t a bad thing. Hell, I think it’s a good idea, but that’s because the idea of two beautiful women in bed with me is a huge turn on. And I know you two have been together in the past. Caro, should I be scared you’ll steal Jeannie away from me?,” he spoke teasingly. This time Caroline laughed. “I wouldn’t have a chance in hell. I’m not blind and I see how you two look at one another.” The last was said in a slightly wistful tone of voice.

Jeannie spoke again, “I think…I think this requires a more than just a chat in the car. Let’s go out to dinner first and we can discuss it while we eat.” Both Avery and Caroline agreed so they continued to dinner where they sat and hashed out ideas and boundaries and how everything would work out. Once they were all satisfied, the check was paid and they made for the car. “Hey Jeannie, ride in back with me?” Caroline grinned at her and wrapped an arm around her once girlfriend’s waist. “Maybe we can get a head start,” she said with a wink and Avery chided them, “Not fair, I wanted to watch.” “Oh you’ll get your chance, Darlin’.” Jeannie lead over to kiss him, still holding on to Caroline and the spark was quite lit by now. “Let’s get out of here, ladies.”

Caroline and Jeannie shared kisses on the drive home while Avery watched in the rear view mirror whenever he could sneak a peek. As they got closer to home to women became bolder and he could see flashes of skin as t-shirts were pulled up, so they could touch each other. Avery turned into the drive and opened the garage door where he parked the car and looked back at Jeannie and Caro. “Alright ladies, since you insisted on such a display, now it is my turn. I want you both to strip right here, right now. You can leave your clothes in the car and I’ll get them later.” The pair looked at one another and shrugged as they began to strip. Caroline was tall with honey blonde hair and brilliant blue eyes while Jeannie was her opposite, petite, dark eyed, and dark haired. They looked gorgeous standing side by side nude and both ready for more.

Avery kissed them both and the three of them immediately retired to the bedroom. While Avery undressed the ladies were all over one another again, touching and kissing and shooting lusty glances at each other and Avery. Things progressed quickly and soon all three of them were on the bed, exploring bodies, touching, kissing, caressing, and learning one another’s most intimate secrets.

Soon Avery and Jeannie had teamed up and were both teasing Caroline at the same time. Sucking and biting at her nipples, fingers tracing along her skin, until finally Jeannie couldn’t wait and she slid down the bed to lap at her friends dripping cunt. The taste was sweet and a little salty and Jeannie couldn’t get enough, burying her face between Caroline’s thighs. Avery continued kissing and touching Caro in other places and it wasn’t long before she was shuddering in an orgasm from the pair of them. Before she could totally relax the couple switched places and Jeannie kissed Caroline, letting her taste herself. She moaned into Jeannie’s mouth and bucked her hips again Avery’s face, wanting to come again already. Avery pulled away, and shifted position with a condom in hand. A moment later his cock was buried inside Caroline and she was moaning louder at the exquisite feelings she was having. Jeannie moved up and squirmed around until she was sitting on Caroline’s face and Caroline began to lick and suck at Jeannie’s wet pussy, moaning now and then and sending the vibrations up Jeannie’s spine. Jeannie rocked her hips with pleasure as Avery fucked his girlfriend’s best friend. The three of them were a sexy sight indeed as both Jeannie and Caroline orgasmed together. Avery pulled back and Jeannie fairly dove for his cock wanting it in her mouth while Caroline fingered her from behind.

The threesome fucked and sucked and switched places over and over. The ladies gave Avery a shared blowjob, where he took turns fucking their faces before jacking off on two pairs of gorgeous tits, which Caroline and Jeannie then licked clean before assuming a sixty-nine while Avery recovered from his first, but not last, orgasm of the evening. Watching the two women was erotic and it wasn’t long before he was ready to go again. He fucked Jeannie this time while Caroline rode her face to another explosive orgasm.

Late into the night they were all exhausted and sweaty and just plain done. Snuggling up in the bed, Caroline fell asleep between Avery and Jeannie, sincerely hoping this was te start of something wonderful.

wickedwednesday

 

In case you missed last week’s Wicked Wednesday you can find it here.

 

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Fat and Sexy: Changes

Alright, since my last post I’ve done a few things. I got with my mom and she helped me plan out a three month exercise routine that lets me ramp up how much I’m in the gym and exercising. By September I should be exercising 5 days a week, either at the gym or on my skates. Right now, to think about that seems scary…and exhausting. I’m having trouble motivating myself to go three times a week right now. Anyone got any good tips for motivation? But I know if I want to reach my goals I gotta go.

Speaking of goals…I don’t really see the successes when they happen. I have to rely on other people to tell me if I’m losing weight or if I’ve gained muscle or even if my weight lifting is improving, despite the obvious advancement of the number of pounds I’m lifting. My brain lies to me on this front and it gets incredibly frustrating, but small goals completely go right over my head. I’m trying to learn how to keep that from happening, but how do I figure it out when my brain lies to me and tells me the opposite is happening? It is a mystery to me.

Anyway, my fat ass is trying. I have a goal tracker on my phone, I try to drink enough to stay hydrated (I’m terrible at it), and I’ve been monitoring my food portions as well as the amount of sugar and liquid calories that I consume. This means not eating all the chocolate in the house when I’m PMSing and not getting a giant iced coffee when I can get a small and putting less sugar in my coffee and iced tea. Now, that last bit about the sugar in my tea, that’s important y’all cause I grew up in the South and that is the land of BBQ and sweet tea, so that is a hard one to give up. My solution has just been more water, but it certainly isn’t the same.

I don’t know if I’m losing weight, my pants size hasn’t changed, and things feel very static, but my partner and my best friend both keep reminding me that change is a slow process and it is OK if it doesn’t happen overnight and there will be times I plateau out for periods of time. It’s frustrating. I’m not feeling any sexier or more attractive. In fact, I had a meltdown a few weeks ago because I think my stomach is gross and for a while I didn’t want my partner to see it or look at it or touch. It was really difficult for me on a lot of levels because I communicate so much through touch, but them touching me resulted in a couple of mini panic attacks. No fun and it is an issue I’m working my way through.

So I’ve made changes, I’m going to keep making them (hopefully they’ll continue to be good ones) and I’m working on moving forward with accepting my body, despite the setbacks I’ve had. If I’m perfectly honest with myself, one of my big goals is to drop two pants sizes within the next six to eight months and I feel like if I keep up with my routine and my portion control that I can do that. And if I can, that means I will be the smallest I’ve been in years and almost the smallest I was in high school. That I think I’ll be able to see and call progress. Here goes!

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Wicked Wednesday – 262 – Blinded (Gorgeous?)

“Hello, Gorgeous.” I looked at my partner, then glanced around wondering if they were talking to me. As we were alone together, it seemed pretty obvious that I was the person being addressed. I just shook my head a little and gave them a hug. I absolutely couldn’t see why they were calling me gorgeous so I dismissed it and moved on.

Instead of being upset or annoyed with me for not acknowledging what they meant as a compliment, they have only kept repeating that same statement to me, sometimes multiple times a day or with slight variations for the last five years. Maybe eventually I’ll get it. I’ll get out of bed one morning and look in the mirror and see what my partner sees. Or there will be some crazy transcendental moment mid-orgasm. I don’t know.

I do know that I’ve never considered myself to even be cute, much less words like beautiful or gorgeous, both of which I am frequently called by my absolute favorite person in the world. Instead I look in the mirror and all I can see are the flaws that make me so human and imperfect and what I see isn’t good enough. It never has been for as long as I can remember. In a world where looks appear to be valued over everything else, I was raised to be the smart one. And it taught me that smart girls/women aren’t pretty. We’re awkward and maybe a little ugly on the outside, but beautiful on the inside (where it counts.) Being fat as well means I feel like I have that hurdle to jump as well, but I can’t jump; no really I broke a bone trying track once.

So here I am, over 30, overweight, and left staring at a reflection that I just don’t see as positive. Granted I no longer see myself as overwhelmingly negative and sometimes I don’t even see myself in a negative light at all. So I might be making tiny steps towards progress if you can call being neutral about one’s own image progress. But that neutrality often leaves me feeling a bit blind, because I don’t really look at myself in a mirror unless I am deliberately searching for whatever flaw I might have, either real or perceived. Often, I wonder what is wrong with me that I can be so conscious of my own appearance that I can’t just relax and see the good things about myself.

Of course, then I tell myself that there is nothing good about my appearance and I move on to something else that nags at me or my self esteem or whatever. I’ve just accepted that I’m never going to be the “pretty one”; instead I’m considered smart and that is supposed to be enough in a society where the female form is supposed to aspire to reach unattainable heights of beauty that I know I will never see. And my partner always comes back to “Hello, Gorgeous.”

wickedwednesday

If you missed last week’s Wicked Wednesday, you can find it here.

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Homecoming

He’d driven through a snowstorm to get to her and drove through it again to take her home. They barely made it upstairs with her luggage as exhaustion consumed them both. Crawling into bed with the intention of sleep was the only thing on either of their minds. But when they shared a kiss goodnight, it quickly became more than just a kiss.

Arms and legs tangled, lips met over and over, and she was so ready for him. His fingers found her wetness as they kissed, tongues tussling back and forth and he wanted to take her badly. He pulled lips from hers, fingering her pussy and whispered in her ear. “Come for me, so I can eat you.” Her body arched and as soon as her brain processed his words that long-awaited orgasm hit her like a freight train. And he lowered his mouth to taste her, licking her inner thighs at first then simply burying his head between them. She couldn’t help her moans and hoped they didn’t wake the neighbors. Her second orgasm ripped through her body and she lifted her hips from the bed, her back arched high before  falling back to catch her breath.

He waited for her, patiently, to be ready for him again when she sat up suddenly and gave him a naughty grin and growled, “My turn.” They tussled across the bed laughing and eventually she came out on top and took his cock into her pussy, clenching her muscles all the way down. Her hips rocked back and forth a steady slow motion that made them both gasp with pleasure. She leaned down and whispered in his ear. “Don’t come. I wanna suck you off and taste it.” He groaned and gave her an almost pained look. A naughty smile and a kiss was her only answer as she continued to ride his cock, chasing her own orgasm. He trapped her in his arms when she kissed him and began thrusting his hips hard forcing the much chased orgasm from her body. He swore softly, holding very still for her as she shuddered and he felt her muscles moving against him. Gods, she felt good.

Moving slowly, she slid off of his cock and immediately moved to take him in her mouth. She moaned softly tasting her own juices and sucked harder, before resorting to teasing him slowly with her lips and tongue. She knew he was more than ready for her, but she wanted to take her time and enjoy him because it felt like ages that she’d touched, although she’d only been gone about three weeks. That had been three weeks too long without him. And she wanted him to know that. So she showed him gently, lovingly watching his face as he relaxed into the pleasure. And then she purred around his dick and he almost shot straight up in bed moaning at the vibrations that produced. Looking up at him she innocently asked if she should it again. He nodded slowly so she lowered her mouth back to him, sinking as far down on his cock as she could and purred again, then sucked hard. He bucked his hips, forcing more of himself into her mouth and she let him, relaxing her mouth and throat and he began to face fuck her gently at first then harder gasping each time. Suddenly he froze in her mouth and she pulled back slightly as he began to come for her. She wanted to taste him like he had tasted her earlier. Mmmm, so good.

Posted in blowjob, erotica, lust, oral sex, relationships, romance, sex | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment