Plus Size Sex

Plus size sex can face any number of challenges. Bellies get in the way, hips are wide, butts are big, and arms don’t always reach as far as we might like. And those are only the physical complications. Working around these isn’t necessarily difficult, although it may be awkward to do as it boils back down to, you guessed it,  communication. Talking about your weight or size, especially in the bedroom can be nerve wracking if you already feel conspicuously undesirable. Hell, talking about your weight is hard no matter where, how, or to who you talk about it to. But if you want to fix things, then you have to find a way to open up. Sometimes I do it via email to get the ball rolling and that lets me organize my thoughts better than if I just blurted them out.

Now, once you’ve broached this topic with your partner, what do you do from there? Well, you get creative. Pillows, blankets, beanbags, sex toys, (yes they can be couples too) or specially designed sexual positioning aids like the Liberator line can all be very helpful in allowing you to have better and more comfortable sex. And really, this one goes for everyone regardless of size. I know another blogger who stated in her Liberator review that it had totally changed her sex life for the better. Trying out different sexual positions may also help. Pick up a book about it and see what you can learn. It might be fun to learn together and you might find something amazing. What are some other options you can try? Got any good ideas?

Next, what about the mental side effects of being fat in bed. You still may feel undesirable, but you’re also combating your own personal demons about what you look like, how your body moves, and what does your partner think of it. Are there other issues that you think of when it comes to having fat sex?

Getting past those mental barriers can be quite difficult because sometimes you might feel like you have to work through them alone. But what if you asked your partner about it? Scary, I know and not a question I have been brave enough to ask them myself to be honest. I know my belly jiggles and my hips are thick, but I don’t know what my partner thinks about this. Could it be that they are caught up enough in the moment not to notice all of these things that seem glaringly obvious and unattractive to me? That’s possible. It is also possible that they love me for who I am, fat and all, and we have great sex despite my fatness, despite society’s attempts to marginalize fat people as a part of the population with no sex life.

I vote for proving all those naysayers wrong by continuing to have sex and making it great sex. We can do this by talking, fighting through whatever demons we have, and maybe even remember that not every single body is perfect and that we are all flawed. Even thinner people may have insecurities and fear in or out of the bedroom. What society shows us isn’t always the full picture, it is only what they’ve decided the ideal body is and that’s not fat people’s bodies. One way to get past this is to not watch “mainstream” porn. Look for body inclusive porn that shows people of all shapes and sizes having all kinds of fun. Crashpad is an excellent resources for this although is it subscription based. I don’t know of any free and body inclusive porn sites out there, so if anyone does, please let me know!

 

Stay body positive and work on handling those personal demons and keep talking to your partner. You may find that your sex life just gets better and better as you do these things. If you feel like you need or want to lose weight, then do that. If you’re happy with your size then stay that size. But above everything else, make sure to take the time to enjoy yourself with or without your partner.
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Wicked Wednesday 225 – Shadows (Into Darkness)

Luke rolled over in bed reaching blindly for Alexa and pulling closer to him. His lips found hers in a gentle kiss that she returned sleepily, then more energetically as she fully awoke in her lover’s arms. Luke smiled against his girlfriend’s lips, murmuring an, “I love you.” Before she could respond his lips were on hers again, hungrier this time, wanting, needing to taste her. Alexa’s arms pulled Luke closer and she snuggled against him returning the kisses just as hungrily.

Luke’s hands traced the body that he knew so well without seeing and suddenly parted her legs gently and began to caress her inner thighs softly, teasingly still holding her as close as he could, enjoying the middle of the night interlude between them. She shivered at his touch and parted her legs further silently asking for more. “Not yet Dearest,” he whispered, trailing kisses along her jawline and down her neck to suck first at one pert nipple then the the other all the while trailing his finger along her thighs, never touching her clit, despite her arching hips trying to capture his touch there. Her thigh muscles twitched under his touch and her pussy clenched at nothing wanting more.

Finally with an agonizing slowness Luke slid his fingers across her clit inducing a soft moan from the beautiful woman in his arms. He didn’t need his eyes to know how lovely she looked in this moment and his fingers moved faster, pulling her body close against his. Alexa’s hips bucked reveling in his touch, in the darkness, in the feel of his body against hers. She gasped and shuddered as her body arched backwards, pressing herself into his fingers when she orgasmed. Luke took this opportunity to flip her over so her body fit tightly against his chest and pulled her right leg over his opening her to his touch. His two finger slid into her wet pussy and immediately fluttered against her g-spot, triggering a second orgasm that left her breathless. He did this again and again, wanting to take her higher and higher until she couldn’t come for him anymore, until she was just exhausted and would doze back off in his arms, where she belonged. So he did just that and when it was all over Alexa whispered a soft, “I love you,” and settled back into her lover’s arms safe and secure from whatever shadows lurked in the night.

wickedwednesday

 

And just in case you missed last week’s WickedWednesday post you can find it here.

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Review: Sliquid Sassy Lubricant

After hearing so many people rave about the Sliquid line of lubes, I bought a small bottle of their Sassy to give it a try and see what all the fuss was about. I was hoping to find THE BEST lube ever that would become my new go to. Well, it’s not the best lube I’ve ever used sadly, but I do find that it has a place at my bed side table.

First off Sliquid Sassy is a 100% vegan lube that is glycerine and paraben free. The rest of the ingredients include: Purified Water, Plant Cellulose (from Cotton), Cyamopsis (Guar Conditioner), Potassium Sorbate, and Citric Acid. It is also flavor and fragrance free, which I really liked.

My first impression upon putting a dot on my finger and playing with it a bit is that the consistency is not nearly as gel like as I expected it to be, nor is it like some other lubes I have used previously. It does have a slightly thicker texture than most water based lubes and it is amazingly slippery, which I really did like about it. It certainly didn’t take much to get me nice and slick for a bit of masturbation and mimicked my natural lubrication nicely. When I added in a toy the lube coated it wonderfully well and stayed in place with the silicone. It seemed less drippy that way than just drizzling it across my skin and feeling it slide. For solo play I found this to be a really good lube to use. It also cleans up well with soap and water or a baby wipe.

When I brought it out for some vaginal play with my partner the first time we experienced some issues with the lube drying out and becoming tacky and sticky. We added a bit more and kept going but I was a bit frustrated by the experience. Our second time we played with it together I went a little overboard with it and that certainly seemed to alleviate any issues we had from our first attempt with it. Just like knowing your partner, I guess you have to get to know your lube. Given our level of activity I think that this lube went pretty well when used in proper quantity, but there are other lubricants out there that I prefer for vaginal play with my partner.

Knowing what I learned about using enough of the lube meant that when it came time for some long awaited anal play I made sure to lube up both myself and my plug quite well(I’d suggest maybe too well, but I’m not sure there’s any such thing when it comes to anal). Wow! I have to say this is where Sassy really shines as a lube and my rear end thanked me for it. Slick, slippery, and stupendous are the best words that come to mind when I used this with a silicone plug. I was even able to leave a plug in for longer than I normally would without fear of things drying out or having any problems.

Overall, I do like the Sliquid Sassy and I think it will become a regular part of my sexual play particularly if I’m in the mood for my butt to be the focus of attention or if I am playing solo. My partner and I just tend to play too hard for the Sassy to keep up with us otherwise. So that said, this is indeed one of the best lubes I’ve encountered, it just isn’t quite my favorite. That doesn’t mean I don’t suggest you get some, because you absolutely should especially if you enjoy anal play, are looking for something very slick, or have a desire for a vegan lubricant. These are all excellent reasons to pick up a bottle of Sliquid Sassy and I’m looking forward to trying more of their products.

There are no affiliate links used in this review.

 

 

 

 

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Why Foreplay Matters

Foreplay is one of those things that a lot of people don’t quite seem to get. And while it is portrayed like most of those people are men (heterosexual ones in particular) I don’t find that to be the case. Many people from all genders and sexualities place less importance on foreplay and more importance of getting off either for their partner or for themselves. But orgasms can be difficult and without some warm up they might even be impossible for some of us. That’s part of why foreplay matters.

I’m pretty sure we’ve all heard the tired trope of one partner doing all the work when it comes to foreplay while the other just lays there and enjoys being petted and loved and generally spoiled by their partner on the path to orgasm. Again, I’m drawing generalities here but this seems like it would be most likely to happen in a heteronormative relationship in which the man is the one doing all the work. How is that fair? Doesn’t your partner deserve (and need) foreplay as well? But Livvy, you say, some people are ALWAYS ready to go, most notably men. That’s a stereotype y’all. Sometimes a man of any orientation needs a warm up round just like the ladies do. This is why we need foreplay.

There are lots of reasons why foreplay matter to people. I’m sure more that just the few I have touched on here. To me, the lesson to take from this is that foreplay is your friend and should be a welcome part of your sex life. Embrace it, use it to learn new things about your partner, use it to learn what you like your partner to do to you. This is why we need and want foreplay in our lives. And some people don’t even realize that their partner might want or need foreplay because they don’t ask and the partner, for whatever reason, doesn’t share their concerns about it. if you’re not sure, just like with consent, always ask. You might be surprised at the answer.

Sex is just better with foreplay no matter who you are or what your preference. Next time you get into bed with a partner remember that and don’t forget to show them some love as well. lying there like a dead fish while your partner does all the work for you and reaps none of the rewards just isn’t fair and could breed resentment within a relationship. Good foreplay also makes for better casual hookup sex. It gives you a brief amount of time to kind of gauge what your current partner likes and dislikes and again, better sex! And who doesn’t want better sex in their life?

So, what’s your favorite type of foreplay? Do you have any suggestions that I might like? Comments in general? Let me hear from you!

 

 

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Wicked Wednesday 224: Puzzle Pieces (Untitled)

 

Pieces of me
Gone,
And gladly,
But lonely in a way.
I never missed
the abuse,
But the companionship.
Afraid to be alone
Afraid to look for more

Unexpected,
Unwavering
There you were.
There we were.
A careful dance,
Between two hearts.
The perfect piece of me
Found the perfect peace
of You.

 

wickedwednesday

 

 

And just in case you missed it, you can find last week’s Wicked Wednesday post HERE Happy reading!!

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Le Petit Mort

Lisa sighed to herself after a really long day at work and stripped out of her clothes letting them fall to the floor in a heap. She flopped down onto her bed and stretched out her hands tracing along her curves. She sighed again, this time more content, and knew just what would make her feel better after a stressful day.

Her hands found her breasts kneading them gently, thumb brushing across her nipples and her blue eyes closed gently as she lost herself in the sensations. A pinch here and there, rougher caresses, back to a feather light touch. Lisa shuddered at that last one and wanted more. One hand still pinching and pulling at a pretty pink nipple she slid her other hand down between her legs. She stroked her skin, tracing her pussy lips slowly, avoiding her clit and just going around and around gently, waiting for the right moment, her other hand still tugging and worrying at her nipples. A soft moan escaped her lips and her hips twitched slightly.

She opened her eyes, this time looking down the length of her body and smiled at the sight before her. a finger dipped down, around, and into her wet pussy and finally she touched her clit, rubbing it softly. It caused her hips to twitch again this time almost of their own accord and she whimpered softly. Every motion from the tugs of her nipples to the strokes on her clit felt connected and intertwined, like all her nerve endings were tangled together. She wanted to chase her orgasm so badly, but knew how much better it could be if she could force herself to wait. And she did.

Lisa’s movements became slower, more sensual and the little gasps and moans were soon involuntary noises that she couldn’t control. Her fingers still circled and rubbed at her clit as gently as she could manage. Her hips arched and her legs twitched and she could hear the imaginary voice of her lover in her head urging her on. She dipped her fingers down into her pussy and began to slowly move in and out, her body moving in a rhythm as old as time itself. Her free hand left her breasts and she licked a finger, then touched it to her clit and resumed that soft petting that always felt so good. A little more speed and pressure and there would be no stopping it. Still she waiting, fingering herself slowly, almost lazily, her fingers slick and sliding against her skin.

Without warning her body jerked and Lisa knew she was going to come and come hard. Her fingers moved faster across her clit rubbing from side to side now and she drove her half curled fingers deep and hard against her g-spot. Her entire body jerked, spasmed, and arched off the bed as she cried out with her orgasm. She fell back on the bed to catch her breath and slowly eased her fingers from her pussy licking them and relishing the taste of herself. Much better she thought to herself and smiled.

 

 

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Yes

Ashlyn couldn’t believe the crazy turn of events her life had taken last night. She certainly never thought she’d do something so out of character for her. What on earth possessed me, she thought. Do I love him? And with that she  curled up in bed, pulled out her journal and began to write.

9/10/16

You know I’ve always been the “good girl”, I said I’d wait til I got married to have sex, and never let boys in high school do more than kiss me. It earned me a reputation for being frigid, but at least I didn’t have to deal with the lecherous teenage boys at my high school anymore.

Then I started college and I stayed home on Friday nights and studied. I missed all the parties my freshman year and my roommate and her friends constantly ribbed me for being a goody two shoes. I even earned the nickname Sandy like from the move Grease. I didn’t care, of course. I had made myself this promise when I was 14 and I was determined to keep it. Not for some religious reason, not because my parents asked me to, just because it was my personal choice.

And last night just changed everything. my world has been flipped topsy turvy, upside down, and side ways all at once. I know I’ve mentioned Logan before. He’s a genuinely nice guy that works in the art department at work. And he is also hot, hot hot. Blond hair, hazel eyes, and the most to die for smile I’ve ever seen; not to mention the not too perfect, but still perfect body. We met at an office mixer a while ago and hit it off right away. He said he liked my quirky humor (I think I’m just silly, but whatever) and asked me for coffee a week or so later. We’ve bonded over a shared love of comic books, coffee, and other goofy, geeky things. He’s never pressured me, never intimated that he wanted more, and always been a perfect gentleman.

But last night…wow. We’d been out having coffee and talking like always and he invited me back to his place. I said yes, innocently enough, and off we went. Even his apartment is well decorated, unlike some previous men I’ve known. Anyway, the good bits. When we arrived at his apartment he gave me a quick tour and jokingly asked if I wanted to try out the bed. I laughed it off and we sat and talked, comparing notes on a particular comic series that he’s reading. And he looked right me, “Ash, can I kiss you?” I was shocked that he wanted to for one and also shocked that he asked. I’d never been asked before. And I said yes. He put his hands on my waist pulled me into him and gave me the most gentle, soul stealing kiss I’ve ever experienced. I knew then that even if I didn’t marry this man I wanted him to be my first. We parted and I wondered if the half dazed look on Logan’s face matched mine. “Wow. I’ve never been kissed like that before,” I told him self conscious and blushing. He smiled at me, “I’ve never kissed anyone like you before. I want to do more with you, Ashlyn, but I know that you’ve always said you’d wait. I won’t push you. Ever. But if you want more all you have to do is say yes.”

His confession only made me blush harder and I felt incredibly simple in that moment, like I’d be a fool to say no, but wanting to say yes and so very afraid of something that I said I’d wait for, but wanted so very much. My confusion had to have shown on my face an Logan pulled me closer to him, aiming to kiss my cheek. I turned my head swiftly and our lips met once more. It was just as glorious as that first kiss, slightly more insistent, but gently so and I felt his tongue touch my lips which seemed to part of their own accord. When we came back to ourselves I was in Logan’s lap and we were tipped across the couch. I could feel his arousal and I noticed for the first time how wet I was. “Logan,” I whispered his name, making it a question. His eyes found mine once more and he just smiled that lovely, tender smile. “Yes.”

And what followed was utterly amazing. He kissed me again ever so gently and pulled me to my feet leading me back to his bedroom. I was shy about undressing in front of him and he could tell so we went nice and slow and finally we were both nude in the dim light of the room. I wanted to see more of him, I wanted to touch him. And oh, I did! Everywhere I could reach, and I do mean everywhere. Who knew that a man could be so soft and yet so hard at the same time. Logan threw his head back as I caressed him and despite my own inexperience I figured I was doing something right. He pulled my hands away with a soft murmur of regret and guided me backwards onto the bed where he kissed me again until I was dizzy and giggling at the touch of his hands skimming across my breasts, stroking down my stomach and going lower still. I was ready for this and eager and I wanted him so much.

His mouth followed the same path his hands had kissing and licking and nibbling at my skin until he reached the juncture between my thighs. A tiny kiss just above that sensitive skin and he looked up at me, “I want to taste you.” I nodded, not trusting his voice and he lowered his blond had, his breath teasing me ever so gently. Then a soft slow lick of his tongue. I was amazed at how good just that one motion felt and arched my hips against him. His hands came up to wrap around my thighs and pulled me against him. Suddenly he was licking and sucking in earnest and I was writhing beneath him. This was the furthest I had ever been in a sexual encounter and for the life of me I was quite sure why I had waited. But this felt so right that maybe it was just meant to be. My own orgasm caught me off guard and I cried out my hips bucking involuntarily against him. I feared I might’ve busted his nose from all the wetness I could feel between my thighs, but when Logan looked up, his face slightly shiny and no blood I realized he’d just made me come that hard. Even when I masturbate I can’t do that.

Logan slid back up the bed and we shared another kiss; I moaned at the taste of myself on his lips. That was just…just erotic is the only word I can fathom for it. I heard him fumbling with a foil packet and tried to stay relaxed as my nervousness came back. “It’s OK Ash. We can always stop here.” “Logan, I don’t want you to stop. I want you to be my first.” I was suddenly shy again, as if being a virgin at 27 was an incorrect thing, but he merely gave me that smile again and kissed my cheek, then down my jaw, and to my neck. “Are you sure?”, he murmured in my ear. “Yes.”

I heard the tear of foil and readjusted my hips, waiting, wanting. I squirmed impatiently and Logan grinned at me. “Ready, my dear?” My only reply was a nod and he moved so he could slide inside of me. He was gentle and the orgasm from him eating me out had helped, but things were still a bit tender. I clutched his shoulders above me and stared into those lovely hazel eyes as he sheathed himself deeply in my body and I moaned at the feeling. It was incredible. He moved slowly at first then marginally faster, teasing me, stopping completely to let me feel him and then would move again. Soon  was gasping and writhing and my hips bowed upwards meeting his thrusts harder and harder.

“Logan! Yes!”

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