I was never a patient child. Consequently I’ve never been a terribly patient adult either. What I didn’t know is that my impatience was negatively affecting my sex life. Without stopping to really enjoy the foreplay or my partner I would chase those orgasms as hard as I could. I never figured out why sex could be so unsatisfactory at times until a partner pointed out to me what I was doing. I was making sex all about the orgasms and the rest was just incidental; it was how I got to orgasm and the orgasms were what mattered.
Sex was mostly satisfying (bad partners not withstanding) and I just assumed that, while I was missing something, it couldn’t be fixed because part of it was those bad partners. It never occurred to me to talk to them nor did I realize that I was also being a bad lover to myself. This was how things were for years and it really did affect my sexual relationships and how I viewed sex.
Then I ended up with my current partner through a series of crazy events and very early into our relationship they questioned why, exactly, I seemed to chase my orgasms so hard. When I indicated that sex had always been that way for me they seemed to be genuinely shocked, and maybe a little sad that I had been missing out, and then we began visiting idea of not chasing the sensations, but simply enjoying them for what they are. It took some work and was a bit frustrating to begin with, but after a time the idea that the journey itself was what mattered and that journey didn’t have to end in orgasm was something that I have embraced wholeheartedly and come to greatly enjoy.
My journey has brought me more in touch with myself, closer to my partner, and improved more than just my sex life and my orgasms. My communication skills have grown immensely and I’m less afraid to put myself out there and make suggestions or ask for things that I want in bed. It is slowly helping with my overall confidence and how I see myself as a sexual being. Mine and my partner’s relationship is stronger because of all these other things that have happened as a result of my learning to simply slow down, to enjoy the intimacy and the touch that we share.
Learning to accept the journey as the destination has been a transformational experience, once that I hope to apply not just to my sex life but to the rest of my life as well. Starting with better sex and more orgasms though, seems to have been an excellent choice. So next time you slip between the sheets either alone or with your love, just relax and go slow. Enjoy the touches and sights and tastes and sounds that you and your partner make. Explore. Tickle. Caress. Be in the present and let yourself just be and experience that feeling. Don’t rush to go anywhere. You’re already there.