Sex and the Art of Playfulness

I’ve talked to various friends about this and so many of them comment on how serious their sex lives tend to be. How sometimes it becomes a chore. Now maybe that was true once upon a time for the majority of women. But due to today’s varying sexual norms and mores, why should it be that way?

I’m not saying that sex is all fun and games, although I think in some ways it should be; good sex is work for both partners. There’s no reason though that something that takes effort to be wonderful can’t also be enjoyable to have. My partner and I frequently get the giggles over something either totally silly or completely mundane and normal and it only brings us closer together. My friends tend to ask us how we do it, especially after several years together.

And honestly it is just a matter of being relaxed around one another, putting in the effort to have great sex, and knowing when to laugh at ourselves. Having one’s legs tossed in the air so their partner can steal their undies is funny and I giggled like crazy, delighted at the sheer unexpectedness of what was happening. At the same time it is OK to laugh at bodily functions or goofy things that occur. We’re human, people queef or pass gas or make odd faces or noises during an orgasm. Maybe you’re not laughing in the moment but, along the lines of communication, afterwards you can look back and laugh at anything that went on even if it was embarrassing. Whatever it was it was probably also normal. And, if you’re partner is as invested in having excellent sex as you are, chances are that they didn’t necessarily notice the thing that might have caused you some distress. If they did…well these things happen.

The question I get asked most though, is how do you relax that much and let go of your inhibitions? That’s a hard thing to do and even harder to explain, but I’ll try. First of all, you’re not likely to be super comfortable with someone if you’re having sex for the first time. At least I was nervous as all get out the first time I had sex with any of my partners, including my current one, and we had been friends for years before we found ourselves in bed together. The more relaxed and open you can let yourself be to having fun though, the easier it is and the easier it becomes. Inside jokes or sexy chatter, playful tickling, and a good old fashioned make out session are all excellent ways to lighten the mood and relax.

No matter how you choose to go about it, sex shouldn’t be all work and no play by any means. Giggle, be amused, be hilariously charming to your partner (or swipe their undies, whatever), and just be who you are. Don’t worry about the kids or the bills or anything else. Revel in your body, your partners body, each other and just play.

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