Plus size sex can face any number of challenges. Bellies get in the way, hips are wide, butts are big, and arms don’t always reach as far as we might like. And those are only the physical complications. Working around these isn’t necessarily difficult, although it may be awkward to do as it boils back down to, you guessed it, communication. Talking about your weight or size, especially in the bedroom can be nerve wracking if you already feel conspicuously undesirable. Hell, talking about your weight is hard no matter where, how, or to who you talk about it to. But if you want to fix things, then you have to find a way to open up. Sometimes I do it via email to get the ball rolling and that lets me organize my thoughts better than if I just blurted them out.
Now, once you’ve broached this topic with your partner, what do you do from there? Well, you get creative. Pillows, blankets, beanbags, sex toys, (yes they can be for couples too) or specially designed sexual positioning aids like the Liberator line can all be very helpful in allowing you to have better and more comfortable sex. And really, this one goes for everyone regardless of size. I know another blogger who stated in her Liberator review that it had totally changed her sex life for the better. Trying out different sexual positions may also help. Pick up a book about it and see what you can learn. It might be fun to learn together and you might find something amazing. What are some other options you can try? Got any good ideas?
Next, what about the mental side effects of being fat in bed. You still may feel undesirable, but you’re also combating your own personal demons about what you look like, how your body moves, and what does your partner think of it. Are there other issues that you think of when it comes to having fat sex?
Getting past those mental barriers can be quite difficult because sometimes you might feel like you have to work through them alone. But what if you asked your partner about it? Scary, I know and not a question I have been brave enough to ask them myself to be honest. I know my belly jiggles and my hips are thick, but I don’t know what my partner thinks about this. Could it be that they are caught up enough in the moment not to notice all of these things that seem glaringly obvious and unattractive to me? That’s possible. It is also possible that they love me for who I am, fat and all, and we have great sex despite my fatness, despite society’s attempts to marginalize fat people as a part of the population with no sex life.
I vote for proving all those naysayers wrong by continuing to have sex and making it great sex. We can do this by talking, fighting through whatever demons we have, and maybe even remember that not every single body is perfect and that we are all flawed. Even thinner people may have insecurities and fear in or out of the bedroom. What society shows us isn’t always the full picture, it is only what they’ve decided the ideal body is and that’s not fat people’s bodies. One way to get past this is to not watch “mainstream” porn. Look for body inclusive porn that shows people of all shapes and sizes having all kinds of fun. Crashpad is an excellent resources for this although is it subscription based. I don’t know of any free and body inclusive porn sites out there, so if anyone does, please let me know!
Stay body positive and work on handling those personal demons and keep talking to your partner. You may find that your sex life just gets better and better as you do these things. If you feel like you need or want to lose weight, then do that. If you’re happy with your size then stay that size. But above everything else, make sure to take the time to enjoy yourself with or without your partner.
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