My last partner seemed to have a nearly phobic fear that if I had a collection of sex toys (or even a couple of them) that they would be replaced by said toys. There were rules about them even, which basically meant that I could have A vibrator and it couldn’t be bigger than them size wise. So for a long time I didn’t own anything but this vibrator and it was really buzzy and said partner refused to use it on me or with me so there wasn’t much point to having it unless I was playing solo.
Now, I’m a fledgling sex blogger with an ever growing collection of toys. I also have a fantastic partner who enjoys playing with me with or without the toys and isn’t the least bit threatened by them and has gotten me toys as gifts before. The difference is truly amazing and fantastic. Admittedly though, based on my past experiences I was worried that this relationship would be like my last. I’m glad it’s not. I’m glad there are people out there who aren’t afraid of sex toys. It is teaching me so much about my own sexuality to be able to play with toys without fear of censure or scorn. And it teaches my partner more things that I like and gives us more options for how we interact during sex.
Simply contrasting these two paragraphs should be enough to tell you that toys are not a replacement for a partner, but imagine for a moment if you were in a relationship where your partner felt that way. For me, it meant that I was ashamed of even wanting sex toys and was insecure in my own sexuality and once got into a fight with my partner outside of a sex shop over it. It was an utter mess. And no, I didn’t leave the toy shop with anything new. Granted the one time my ex-partner and I went to the same shop I didn’t leave with anything either, but that’s simply because they were overpriced and a lot of the toys were made of unsafe materials.
So my toys didn’t replace my partner, they’ve taught me more about my sexual self, and they’ve enhanced my relationship. Which leads me to ask, why is it often such a controversial topic regarding toys and the replacement of a partner with them? Are some people just that insecure? Have they previously had bad experiences. Weigh in here readers because I genuinely don’t understand where this fear or idea comes from.
Of course, there are toys that do things a person can’t do or give different sensations that a person can create, but why would you let that be a factor in not wanting to bring toys into the bedroom? Especially when with some communication and experimenting you could increase yours or your partners (or both!) pleasure. I challenge anyone who reads this to open a dialogue about it with your partner (if you haven’t already) and move up to toy shopping and even purchasing one that you can learn to use together. Rock out with your toys out!