BDSM Aftercare

I recently read this article from kinkly.com and was encouraged to see the idea of self aftercare being promoted as another aspect of one sexual health and wellness. Now, I’m a big fan of sexual self-care and self-care in a general sense as well because hey, taking time for yourself in a way that makes you feel cared for is good for you as a whole. I love the ideas that kinkly puts forth, but I wanted to write about this from a couples point of view.

Like the author of the article I’m pretty wiped out post playtime and don’t function well at all. My partner will wrap me in a blanket and hold me through the worst of this foggy, floaty feeling, leaving only briefly to get me a drink perhaps or to wash up a bit. Once I’m starting to come down enough that he feels he can leave me alone sometimes he needs space to process everything so he slips out of the bedroom to another part of the house.

Sometimes in the day or so after we play my moods can shift wildly from incredibly low to very high so I and my partner monitor my moods closely for signs of that so I can ask for help if I need it. Either way I go this someimes results in a good cry for me which tends to be pretty cathartic. Once my moods have settled and I’ve had more time to process things I see what I can most clearly recall about the scene (my memory often gets very fuzzy during a scene and in the following days) and make notes because my partner and I will discuss things so we can make each experience better Thanks to the writer for suggesting the kink journal; that may be a tool I try to utilize.

Longer term, over the next few days I give myself time to rest up and soothe any minor abrasions that might have occurred and generally try to let my recall of things pleasantly suffuse me with a warmth that I only get from playing with that certain someone. Maybe even as a single kinkster you get this feeling as well if you’ve been playing with a regular or long time play partner. I hope you do because it is an awesome feeling to enjoy while you’re still kind of coming down from the drop.

I feel like the biggest take away from the article is that you need to understand what you need and that you need to be kind to yourself. Do what you need to do to take care of you and get back to whatever your normal is after playing or having a scene. If you need help doing that or someone to talk to it is OK to reach out to a friend or write about it somewhere. Let your body and mind be your guide as to what you need so you can process everything and come back to yourself.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s