So my partner and I were chatting about the idea of scheduling or otherwise structuring sex. I was thinking more along the lines of planning it so hard that it goes on your calendar (sex Friday @ 9pm) kind of thing and I couldn’t wrap my head around it. Not even a little. I have always liked my sex to feel like it was spontaneous or comes about organically.
But scheduling or planning sex has a lot more advantages than I had originally thought.
Knowing that Friday night is date night and there you’re gonna get laid…well, that’s a lot of time for anticipation if you find out on a Monday. Anticipation can certainly be a turn on especially if you’re like me and start imagining all the delightful things that could happen. Something about the waiting only makes sex that much hotter. Who knew?
Another excellent reason to schedule sex can be great for people who have trouble initiating things or for people who were raised to feel that sex was dirty or shameful.This can also apply to people (specifically women) who were raised feeling that sex is only for a man’s pleasure or for making babies. Planning when to have sex takes a lot of pressure off of either partner to initiate things or to wonder aren’t we or are. When I talked to my partner about this they indicated that sometimes they plan things because we both have trouble initiating sex. I’ve never had less fun because sex was planned.
Structure is not the enemy of sex; apathy is and structure means you care enough to try.
It can make things much easier in the long run for some people and lead to an improved sex life overall. Again it is just like communication here and if you know when sex is going to happen you have less worries. That’s not say that sexual encounters should always be planned and there is something to be said for spontaneity in your sex life. Waking your partner up in the middle of the night for a quickie, dragging them off to bed in the middle of the day, or even surprising them with some quick oral sex at a time when they’d never expect it all have their place to me.
So whether you’re a scheduler or enjoy some spontaneous sex, perhaps you might benefit from trying a little of both and see how your sex life changes or even possibly improves. Whatever you do enjoy yourself and your partner and have fun!