I was afraid to be naked in front of him. I couldn’t do it. But he understood and never once made a fuss or asked me why. He simply let me progress at my own pace. Eventually I was able to relax and shed my clothes, like shedding an extra skin. And he loved all of me.
I was afraid to talk about anything of import for fear of rocking the boat. So he encouraged me gently to open up, without prying, without anger. So eventually I did and my fears of being able to tell him anything gradually decreased. Each conversation improved our relationship. It is a work in progress, but we’re always progressing.
I feared censure because I naturally lean towards being submissive. Despite trying my trying to hide it because of that fear, he discerned it and indulges some of my whims. I’m not made to feel less, just taken care of and loved.
There were so many fears and unknowns that I felt like sometimes I was lost because I was so scared to talk or let him in or even love me. I was convinced that I wasn’t good enough, that I asked too much, that I wanted things in bed that he might find repulsive. Despite each and every one one of those fears, he was with me every step of the way. Encouraging, guiding, catching me when I felt like I was going to fall.
But the decision I made to let him love me…that’s what happens when you follow your heart.
And in case you missed it, my last Wicked Wednesday post can be found here.