Wicked Wednesday 293 – The ex – (I Might as Well Enjoy It)

wickedwednesday

So I’ve written before about my ex husband and some of the hell he put me through. I won’t rehash that again here, but for anyone that really wants to read it here’s the link (CW: abuse, rape) Today, I have another story, one that makes me laugh instead of be angry or sad.

“If you’re going to get shit for it, you might as well enjoy it.” Those were the words spoken to me in a quiet conversation by a good friend and my now partner after my ex-husband had accused me for the umpteenth time of cheating on him with any number of various people. Now, I will state for the record that of all the people he accused me of sleeping with, I never slept with any of them, despite having opportunity. I tried to take my marriage vows seriously, even as my marriage disintegrated. But the idea of enjoying myself just because I got shit for it appealed to me.

So I did. I flirted and teased and hugged my friends, male or female, it didn’t matter to me or to them and many of them were in on the joke. Looking back at it, it was probably the most immature thing I could’ve done, but it was still a lot of fun. It drove my husband crazy, but he never once found evidence, even when he started stalking me at the end of our marriage, that I had cheated on him.

When my current partner and I were still just friends before we ended up in my bed one night with them pulling my hair, we cuddled under a blanket and talked about silly things like sending imaginary cuddly photos to my ex or joked about getting married and inviting him to the wedding. Honestly the wedding joke should’ve been my first clue I was going to end up with this person, that I had wanted from afar for so very long. But that’s a different story.

One night the ex stopped by when it was just me and my partner (before we got together) and while we did nothing but sat beside one another, the ex seemed quite curious and was obviously watching us. This could’ve been a prime opportunity to really yank the man’s chain, but I refrained largely because I was honestly scared of what he might do. A short time later he asked to speak to me alone so we stepped outside for what should’ve only been a few minutes, but was more like a half hour to forty five minutes while he tried to pump me for information and asked why we had broken up and wanted to know if we could still be friends. When I’d had enough of his bullshit I turned to walk away and he followed me, trying to bar my way back into my own apartment. Shortly thereafter I had my locks changed. But, again, I’m getting off track.

I took a lot of shit for a long time and finally I decided that I may as well live it up. I’ve taken those words that were said to me and tried to apply them to my life as it is today. Happily, I no longer have to deal with a man who accused me of cheating among other things and there is a kind of absolute trust in my relationship now that neither of us would cheat on the other or deliberately cause harm. That said, I will reiterate that at the time I did enjoy making my spouse think all kinds of things and it was, in some small part, a bit of revenge for the way he treated me in other ways. I’m not perfect and I might as well enjoy it.

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11 thoughts on “Wicked Wednesday 293 – The ex – (I Might as Well Enjoy It)

  1. I can understand why you played like that – you seem like a very spunky woman, but it feels like you were playing with fire. I commend your bravery, but I would have been so worried for you if I’d known you…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh I was absolutely playing with fire; I wasn’t stupid enough or concerned enough to be truly scared (despite the hell I was already going though; hell maybe that was my way of rebelling). And like I said, I enjoyed every minute of the fuckery I caused. Being able to laugh about it when he wasn’t around always made my days better. 🙂 Thank you for the kind words.

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  2. I think I would have done the same you did, had I been in this position. One thing that I have learned through life is that when someone accuses you of something and keeps on accusing you, chances are they are the ones who are doing exactly what they say you are doing…
    Thanks for sharing 🙂

    Rebel xox

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I never would have had the gumption to tease my ex-wife the way you teased your ex-husband, but I completely understand the desire to have the fun of which you’re being accused. It could at least make life more interesting at the time, right?

    I’m glad things worked out in the end, and that you’re having all the fun you want now without having to worry about baseless accusations.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It definitely made for some interesting moments that’s for sure! 🙂 I’m incredibly grateful that things have shaken out this way and know that I’m lucky to have what I do. Thank you for commenting!

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  4. “If you’re going to get shit, you might as well enjoy it” – this is the philosophy I applied to being sexualized at an early age, and it worked out for me! >< I'm so glad you're in a place now where you can work through some of your issues with your abusive ex; also, most of us experience a feeling of schadenfreude at some point when it comes to an ex.

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    1. Oh his insecurity was ridiculous. It was about basically everything and I think he expected me to feed into it to make him feel better. I quit doing that about the time I “checked out”, but didn’t divorce him until several years later. Any, he definitely make too much fuss for there to not be something going on. 🙂

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