Lexi sighed and ran her hands down her body. She was curvy yes, but she was also chubby, no not chubby, fat in all the wrong places. Spinning around she looked over her shoulder at herself and let out another sigh. At least, she thought, her ass filled out a pair of jeans nicely. But she certainly couldn’t see in herself what her boyfriend James seemed to see, not even when she stared at herself in the mirror as she was doing now. Another sigh escaped her and she wandered over to her closet trying to find something to wear for a casual date.
Finding nothing that appealed to her, she walked back over to the mirror and stared some more. “What does he see,” she whispered. Another round of staring at herself from any angle she could manage and she fell back onto the bed behind her, depressed, curious, and well aware that she was going to be late for her evening unless she got moving.
“Mirror, mirror on the wall…” she muttered to herself as she got back up to take a stab at finding something to wear. They were just going bowling so she could get away with jeans she thought and slipped her favorite pair over her black lace boy shorts. Now to find a shirt. Hmm, that’s it. V-neck shirts always showed off her cleavage nicely and if James enjoyed the view so much then she may as well give him something to look at. She laughed as she swiped her lips in berry pink, grabbed her bag, and went to wait for James. His knock came at the door only moments later.
When she opened the door he enveloped her in a hug and a kiss before pulling away to smile at her. “You look ravishing as always.” And a s always, Lexi blushed a bit at his compliment, although she was getting a little better at accepting them. She still had those doubt though and tonight they were in full force just like they’d been on their first date. Lexi did her best to push them away, but she was pensive on the ride to the bowling alley, thinking about how she wasn’t exactly a ten on the attractiveness scale and how she measured up or didn’t measure up and generally tearing herself down despite how hard James was trying to help build her up. Those were her thoughts and when they reached the bowling alley, James stopped her from getting out and took her hands.
“Look Lexi, I know exactly what you’ve been thinking about the entire way here and I wish you could see what I do. You’re beautiful and you don’t even know it. And if my guess is correct, you agonized over what to wear all day and spent some time staring into the mirror and generally berating yourself for not being perfect or skinny. But I don’t care if you don’t measure up to the world’s vision of perfect. You’re my vision of perfect. OK?” She nodded trying not to cry at the sweet words and squeezed his hands. “You’re right, I’ve spent all day ruminating on how I look and how I fail to measure up and everything that comes to mind of that nature. I know I’m fat, I know not everyone is going to like me or want me or even be nice to me. I’ve experienced enough shame about my body to last a lifetime and it some ways it probably will. But you help me try to be better. Now let’s go bowling.”
The pair played a few lightly competitive games (they were both terrible bowlers it turned out) before James decided enough was enough. He stopped Lexi from setting up the next game and told her to stop and look across the room. He covertly pointed out that she was being watched by a man several lanes over. “That’s not disgust Lexi. He’s wondering if we’re together or if we’re just friends. He finds you attractive.” The moment she glanced up the man looked away quickly as though he’d been caught in the act. Lexi looked at James. “Seriously? We’re on a date and you’re pointing out guys checking me out?” He laughed softly. “I just want you to know that I’m not the only one in the world that finds you desirable my dear. That’s all.” He pulled her closer and gave her a rather possessive kiss. “Let’s go back to my place.”
They turned in their ugly rented shoes and left. Lexi began to anticipate having some fun with James, even though she was feeling extra insecure tonight. She almost dreaded taking her clothes off, although he’d seen her naked before and he hadn’t shied away. She was just too deep in her own head. She hoped she could relax.
James poured them both a glass of wine and watched Lexi drink hers more quickly than usual. He took it as a sing that she was eager for him and smiled. Perhaps his little speech in the car had some effect after all. He sat the glass aside and pulled her close to him for another kiss. Before too long her shirt was off and his clothing followed until they were both nude on his couch. James knelt down and kissed his way up Lexi’s legs, enjoying the feel of her skin and finding a sensitive spot just behind her right knee. They’d had sex, but he hadn’t gone down on her yet and that made her nervous too. What if he didn’t like her vulva or clit, what if she was just too fat there too? What if, what if what if?
And then he kissed her clit and she sighed gently. James smiled up at her although she wasn’t watching him and continued to tease her with small kisses, nibbles, and tiny licks here and there. He wanted her to ask for this. To relax enough to enjoy herself. Gradually her legs opened wider and she gathered up the courage to look down at him as he sucked gently at her. Their eyes met and she could see naked desire in his, while he saw the fear in hers. “You know we can always stop,” he reminded her. “I…I don’t want you to stop. Please…” He smiled at her again and finally, given permission, he fairly dove into her, lifting her thighs over his shoulders so her could bury his face against her skin.
Lexi shivered at the feelings he gave her and began to whimper and gasp, slowly getting louder and louder as she neared that edge. He murmured words that she couldn’t make out against her skin and the vibrations were enough. She arched her back, thrusting her body towards him as her orgasm took her breath away. James looked up at the satiated and wanton looking woman on his couch and grinned. He wondered if she knew he’d been telling her he loved her. He took her to bed then and took her over and over that night, always driving her to higher peaks than before.