Ramblings on Boot Blacking

So I don’t know much about it, but I want to learn more about boot blacking. I only have my pair of Docs to care for and they are in dire need of a good polish. I taught myself a bit about it and have been polishing various pairs of boots I’ve owned for a long time, but after more research have realized just how much I don’t know (which is a lot!) I can’t wait to have more things to care for, like a quality leather flogger or paddle although I expect caring for them will be somewhat different than polishing my boots will be. Unfortunately, my partner isn’t into the shiny boots or shoes look so I can’t really do it as an act of service for them. But I can do it as an act of self care for myself and get lost in the feel and smell of leather, both of which I find to be incredibly erotic (so much so that I wrote a story about boot blacking from a submissive’s point of view.)

As I am reading and learning many things I’m finding that the very idea of polishing boots other than my own or my partner’s very intriguing, but I think it would also be very nerve wracking as I would be terrified of messing up. As someone with a very submissive mindset I think it would bother me greatly to make a mistake. Which means that even if I had the chance or skill level I doubt I would ever boot black at a leather or kink related event. I might, however, be willing to sit and have my boots polished. I think there would be something potentially charged in that exchange that I would enjoy. And by watching the process I might learn a thing or two about taking better care of my own leather goods.

I read a blog post ( https://leatherati.com/leatherati-bootblack-week-the-spirituality-of-bootblacking-36ed855a434b) that really spoke to me about how leather care can be a spiritual sort of experience and in some ways I think that it is something that I could use in my life to help me deal with some of my own personal demons. I want to see if it will help me manage some symptoms of bipolar or anxiety, although I worry that trying to do that could lead to my becoming slightly obsessive over keeping my boots clean and polished, which would be a difficult task given the winter weather where I live. But doing all the reading I’ve done and glancing over at my boots from time to time has left me almost aching to get down to business, but I don’t have polish or other supplies at hand just now so I’ll have to content myself with soaking up as much knowledge as I can find while I imagine the smell and feel of leather surrounding me. I’m genuinely looking forward to getting the supplies and applying myself at a task that I imagine many people would find to be arduous and time consuming.

Anyone reading this may wonder just how it relates to the more sexual topics that I typically write about, but I feel like learning to clean and polish my boots with care and skill is something that will let me improve my submission overall because I can give in to the feelings that I have and just surrender myself to them. This is something that I fight with as I’m (still) not always comfortable letting myself be vulnerable when I submit to Sir especially if I want to ask for something or share something and I want to be the best version of myself than I can be, not only for them, but for myself. I want to learn and grow and be more than I am. So for me, even if I’m not caring for anyone’s leather but my own, I want to be the best I can be at it, to let it teach me lessons that I might not have known I needed to learn, and to be able to have pride in a job well done just like I would from any other act of service, even if, in this case, the service is for myself. I’m also curious to see if I can reach a sort of head space or subspace in the repetitive nature of the task, the smell of leather and polish, and the general flow of the act itself and see how that affects me as well.

For anyone out there who has more experience with boot blacking than I do, I’m certainly open to comments or suggestions about how to learn more and become good at a skill that I know so little about. I know that reading can only get me so far and much of it I will have to learn by doing my own thing and figuring out what works for me. As I become better versed in the skill perhaps, sometime in the future, I will write a basic boot blacking 101 type post where I share what I’ve learned to help other people looking to learn, but for now I’m just going to polish my boots and let the journey lead me where it will.

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Thoughts on Aftercare

Aftercare is an essential part of any type of BDSM whether it is a long drawn out scene or a simple spanking when the kids aren’t home. It makes the end of playtime a much more comforting experience and can be a great time for bonding with your partner(s.) As a submissive I know that being held and loved and being able to slowly drift out of subspace and knowing I’m safe is just an amazing feeling. But to me, even in my own relationship, it feels like aftercare is mostly directed towards the submissive. However if you stop for a moment and think about it, dominants or tops need their own version of aftercare as things can be quite demanding on them as well. The questions to ask though are A) do they get that aftercare and B) how can we improve upon the idea of aftercare for them so they get something out of it?

My partner and I have discussed this particular topic more than once and sometimes the aftercare for them is simply being able to take care of me. That helps them come back to center and feel more settled. But I often wonder if I, as a submissive, am doing enough to help them get there because many times I’m a shaking puddle of happiness, drifting through subspace and that makes it hard for me to do much beyond hold onto them and tell them that I love them. Repeatedly. Maybe that is what they need most in that moment. Sometimes, however, they need some space to put themselves back together and that’s OK too. Usually I get a drink and cuddles and they make sure I’m alright before giving me a blanket and ensuring that I know they won’t be far and I can always call out to them if I need them. That is another thing that works for us. What works for us might not work for you.

On the flip side, perhaps you are the submissive who considers things like getting your dominant a drink and making sure their needs are met could be part of your aftercare too. Perhaps you arrange things before hand to make it easy, which is great for planned things, but harder for more spontaneous play (unless you’re super organized and always keep things ready for when anytime becomes playtime.) However you do it I think that finding a way to take care of a top, just as they take care of a submissive is an important thing in any relationship, no matter how serious or casual things are between the people involved.

Aftercare means different things to different people and it can vary so widely that I don’t want to attempt to guess at what it means for you personally. I do want to suggest that readers take a long look at how they practice aftercare and see if there’s a way things can be different that might allow the dominant person to receive more or better aftercare as it seems to be good for them as well. If they are struggling to be grounded after a scene, what can you do to help them come back to center? Do they need touch and closeness? Do they need space? And lastly, how can you combine the aftercare for a submissive with the aftercare of a dominant in a way that allows the people involved to all get what they need?

Review: Divainner G-Spot Rabbit Vibrator

The Divainner G-spot Rabbit Vibrator is a rabbit style vibrator that is made of silicone and measures approximately 4.1 inches long at the insertable bit with a 1.2 inch diameter. To me, this isn’t a terribly large toy so it might be well suited for someone who is new to toys or prefers them on the smaller side. It is quiet and rather discreet compared to some of the other vibrating toys (though I wouldn’t call it whisper quiet) that I own so that is also a plus, along with it having USB charging capabilities which in today’s sex toy industry has become quite common, if not the norm.

DivainnerRabbitPackage
USB charging cable not pictured

The packaging was mostly discreet, as the website claimed, although it did say Divainner as the company on the box so if someone happens to know that it is a sex toy company that would be a tip off, assuming that they noticed it as it is only on the return address in pretty small type. I only mention this because I know some people need or prefer things to be as discreet as possible, for obvious reasons, and I feel like even having the name of the company anywhere on the box is something that should be avoided. A return address is all that’s needed in my opinion.

This easy to clean, waterproof, ten function g-spot vibratior has two motors for dual stimulation of both the g-spot and the clitoris at the same time. When I first tried the rabbit I wasn’t quite convinced that it had two motors in it as I simply couldn’t feel anything against my clit. It turns out that both motors do work, but the one vibrating against my g-spot simply drowned out any feeling I might get from the clitoral stimulation. Only when I held it with my hand wrapped around the clitoral nub could I feel the vibrations and they seemed powerful enough on their own, but couldn’t compete with the vibrations from the main body of the toy.

 

DivainnerRabbitSideView

According to the Divainner website this toy will help you achieve blended orgasms in just ten seconds! Now I hate this sort of wording because often times if a toy doesn’t work for the user as described they can feel like they are broken, but I promise for anyone reading this who takes more than ten seconds to reach orgasm, you are not broken! You might just need something different and only you can know what that is. I know in this case I didn’t orgasm with the Divainner Rabbit Vibrator after ten seconds even with the toy on the most rumbly setting that it offers. Sadly I didn’t orgasm with this toy at all, which was a bit depressing as I always have high hopes for rabbits. Something I did like about the toy was the slightly curvy design of the insertable length of the toy as it did hit my g-spot nicely as well as the width and flexibility of the clitoral stimulator which gave me plenty of room to apply pressure to my clit. I feel like this could provide a higher chance that the toy suits a specific anatomy and with rabbits, having something suited to you anatomy is key.

DivainnerRabbitTopView

The buttons on the handle of the rabbit were placed in a good spot and were easy to press, but I didn’t like having the power button in the middle as I accidentally shut it off more than once trying to adjust the vibrations. This is merely a personal preference on my part because I like my power button to either be incorporated into a speed/pattern button or to be under or above those same function buttons. Having all the buttons be both slightly raised above the ABS handle as well as made of a different material than ABS was a plus as I knew when I had my thumb on a button.

DivainnerRabbitHandle

Overall I feel like the toy is well put together and offers a good value for the quality of the toy and the features that it offers. If you’re looking for your first toy or a nice basic rabbit that offers fairly average vibrations then this might be a good one to try especially as it won’t break the bank at the price of $32.99 at Divainner.com

This toy was provided to me by Divainner.com in exchange for a fair, honest, and unbiased review. All opinions are my own.

Review: Tantus Curve Super Soft

TantusCurveSSBox

My immediate impression of the Tantus Curve Super Soft when I opened it to take pictures was one of curiosity. How could something so soft and flexible be a good g-spot toy? So I wiggled it around and played with it in my hands trying to discern that for a few moments before getting pictures. Then the real fun could begin. So with my handy bottle of lube…

TantusCurveSSStanding

For the first time, ever, I was initially unimpressed with a Tantus toy! I had such hopes that it would get me off like a champ being that A) it was a g-spot toy and B) Tantus has never done me wrong before. Very quickly, however, I figured out what my trouble was. I simply couldn’t get the curve of the Curve in the right spot. It was incredibly frustrating and left me reaching for a different Tantus toy to play with.

Trying to keep an open mind I left the Curve for a few days and pondered just how I could make this toy work for me. I love the Super Soft silicone formula that Tantus uses (I also have the Goliath Super Soft and love it!) and the six inch length of the toy couple with an approximately 1.4 inch diameter was just about perfect for this particular toy. I wanted, needed to find a way to make this toy work for me. So I tried it again, this time using a piece of sex furniture to try and change the angles. Sadly that was a no go as well. By this point I was well and truly annoyed at myself because I couldn’t seem to find the continuous pressure that I needed as the toy moved in and out. It felt great at the opening to my vagina, however, so that was a definite plus and one that I did enjoy quite a lot.

TantusCurveSSTip
The shadowy looking bits are those delightful ridges.

Oh, but finally, my friends, finally I found the Holy Grail of the use of this toy. Letting my partner use it on me (without a strap on) and they could reach to get the angles that I could not. Plus that in and out bit of a pop with those slight ridges along the shaft. And it was glorious! I can only imagine how well this toy could possibly work with a strap on. Even with the bendy, squishiness of the silicone this toy suddenly became great for exactly what I wanted, as long as someone else was at the helm. I may or may not have disturbed the neighbors. Oops! If you like g-spot stimulation, but are somewhat sensitive to it or like a more gentle approach the Curve Super Soft just might be your new jam.

TantusCurveSSBent
So overall, while I had my doubts and challenges with the Tantus Curve Super Soft it turned out to be a winner after all, although it will be reserved for use only with my partner. Which works for me (us.) I received my Curve Super Soft in exchange for a review, but you can purchase yours at www.tantusinc.com, in either midnight purple or black, for $71.63 or $69.99 depending on the color. You can also check your favorite body safe sex toy retailer.

This toy was provided to me by the good folks at Tantus, Inc. in exchange for a fair, honest, and unbiased review. All opinions are my own.

Wicked Wednesday – 319 – Let Your Partner Say No

I’m guessing that some of you read the title of this post and immediately though, “Well duh, Livvy”, but I’m not just talking about giving or removing the idea of enthusiastic consent here, although that’s obviously important as well, even in relationships where there is also implied consent. There is something more to be said for letting your partner say no within a sexual situation (or any situation really.)

Having agency within one’s life, sexual or otherwise is incredibly important and, I feel, incredibly freeing. You’re not obligated to go along with the crowd and it lets you do what you need or want to do both in and out of bed. This is something that I think many people think about too much because going with the flow has always been encouraged, especially, it seems for girls and women. We’re expected to say yes to all kinds of things, even when we want to say no. But back to saying no in a sexual context without specifically removing consent.

Here’s an example of what I mean. Let’s say that my partner wants to try bringing food into the bedroom to play with, but on their own they decide that I wouldn’t like it and therefore they don’t bring the idea up at all because they have essentially already made the choice for me (i.e. assumed I’d say no.) BUT, if my partner comes to me outside of a sexual context and says hey, maybe we should get some edible chocolate and some whipped cream to play with in bed. Suddenly I have agency again and I can decide if it is something I want to do or not. For the record, it would be a no; I’ve heard that the edible chocolate stuff is really gross and I don’t want to be sticky from whipped cream. By not making a choice for me, my partner has given me a choice to say yes or no to that particular act. Notice that I’m not saying no to sex as a whole or to other things, but just to the idea of food in bed. It can be your yum, but it certainly isn’t mine.

The example above is pretty clear and concrete and defines what I mean relatively precisely. And it can be about anything between you and your partner, whether its related to your sex life or not. It’s simply another good way to share your lives together and to communicate in ways that give you both the power to say yes or no to any given thing at any given time. There’s no pressure or expectation that something has to be done, especially when we focus back on sex, and instead it creates an open dialog that might given you more or different or better ideas of things to suggest to your partner.

So, yes it is a form of consent to let your partner say no to something just like any other type of consent that is out there, but in this case it can give them the freedom or permission that they need to say no in other parts of their lives as well because they may feel empowered knowing that they can say no to you, so they can say no to others. Never assume that you’re idea is too kinky or weird or vanilla or whatever and that your partner won’t like it. Just ask them!

 

Sex Beyond Penile Vaginal Intercourse

Sex is typically supposed to be an inherently pleasurable act for two or more parties. Everyone involved should feel comfortable and able to express their feelings and desires. For many straight couples though sex seems to begin and end at the traditional definition of penis in vagina (PIV) sex. Sure maybe some couples are adventuresome and enjoy anal sex, but in many ways it isn’t too different from PIV and that makes it somewhat familiar, while being just a little different and naughty at the same time. And there may be just as many non-straight couples or groups who are stuck in a sex rut of their own. The question here, is how to escape that rut?

One way to do is to look at sex as something more than just intercourse (whatever your definition of that is) and to engage your brain on a more sexual level. Now I know some of you may already do this and get where I’m coming from, but for those of you wondering what does my brain have to do with sex, let me tell you something you might not know. The brain is the largest erogenous zone that we have. It can process sex in visual, auditory, tactile, or even olfactory or tasty ways. Maybe your lover always wears a certain perfume and it trips your buttons (for me its the smell or taste of my favorite lube, coconut oil), the sound of sheets rustling, a naughty picture sent to your cellphone (The Ultimate Sex Toy?) or any number of other things that might grab your attention. Use that as fuel for the fire so to speak. Utilize your imagination to come up with new, creative things to try and run with it.

At that point you’re starting to move away from the idea that sex is strictly “this thing, this way” and exploring territory that may be unfamiliar to you. Maybe technology becomes a larger feature in your sex life (beyond watching porn that is hopefully ethically sourced and paid for rather than by using tube sites, but that’s a different matter) and you discover wearable, remote controllable or Bluetooth capable sex toys. Maybe you sext more. Whatever you’re doing you’re engaging at a different level than “just the basics.”

Your avenues to sexual pleasure and satisfaction are increasing with each new thing that you learn beyond PIV intercourse. Have you ever tried using a dildo on your partner or watching them while they masturbate for you? Have you ever tried fisting? Or flogging? Or even some new weird position that your partner saw in Cosmopolitan or online or whatever? What can you do to make your sex life exciting and fresh? What can you do that isn’t PIV sex that everyone enjoys?

Or maybe you enjoy your sex life just the way it is. That’s fine too. But if you don’t, if you are unhappy with the status quo don’t ever be afraid to approach your sexual partners and say something. Communication is vital to good sex and again there we go with engaging the brain. Maybe part of your communication involves sharing fantasies together and picturing where they could lead if you let them. Maybe you struggle to physically talk about sex. Write it down! Draw a picture! Do what you need to do to move into a new aspect of your sex life that engages your brain more consistently and increases your pleasure. Just whatever you do and however you do it, be safe, sane, consensual, and communicative.

Review: Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples

SatisfyerCouples2I wasn’t sure about this new couples toy from Satisfyer from the get go. It just didn’t look quite right to me as far as angles go and I had some misgivings about whether or not it would suit my body. But before we get into that, let me tell you more about the toy itself.

The silky while silicone of the toy (which is a hallmark of the newest line up of Satisfyer toys) is plush and lovely to the touch and is a perfect compliment to the ABS plastic rose gold buttons. The toy does have a certain elegance about it and I’m sure this plush feeling and muted color choice attribute to that. It is also relatively quiet, much quieter than some previous Satisfyer toys that use the pressure wave technology. And, as a wonderful touch, it happens to be waterproof and recharable. No messing about with batteries here, just clicking the included cable into place with a magnetic charger and plugging the other end into a USB port either on your computer or wall adapter. It can be used with a water or oil based lubricant.

SatisfyerCouplesButtons

The Pro 4 Couples has eleven different intensities of clitoral pressure wave stimulation ranging from barely there to holy crap it’s a jackhammer on my clit, albeit a buzzy jackhammer that is mildly uncomfortable. It also has an arm that vibrates to the tune of ten patterns of varying intensity and steadiness. The steady vibrations are always what seems to work best for me, but if you like a bit of variety the Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples does offer that with the vibration patterns it produces.

Unfortunately the toy didn’t suit my anatomy at all. Either I had the pressure wave stimulator on my clit and the arm kind of just hanging out or I had the vibrating arm inside of me and the clitoral stimulator was nowhere near my clit. My partner tried bending the flexible arm to help me get it in place to no success. So it was basically a no go for me from the outset, although the steady vibrations were relatively rumbly compared to some other toys I’ve used and the patterns were OK, but again not my thing. So, sadly, my despite our best attempts, my partner and I couldn’t make this toy work for us no matter how hard we tried.

SatisfyerCouplesFlex

But, if couples toys are your thing and you want to try a quality product that is well made I would suggest the Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples. You can purchase it directly from the www.satisfyer.com shop for $69.95 or check your favorite body safe sex toy retailer.

This toy was provided to me by the good folks at Satisfyer in exchange for a fair, honest, and unbiased review. All opinions are my own.