#SOSS (My last S stands for Sunday)

So as much as I read other people’s blogs I am terrible at things like leaving comments and interaction and right now having a lot on my plate health wise makes things a little harder. Spoonie for life, yo! Anyway, my third SOSS post is going up and here’s the goods:

sub-Bee from “A to sub-Bee” has a great post about anal sex and the potential for accidental oopsies to happen, including a rather mortifying tale of their own that, while it isn’t quite the same as what I fear, is close enough. And it is definitely something I relate to as I have a lot of fear around unwanted sounds or sights or anything like that during sex. Thanks for such a relatable read!

Morag’s Moist Musings is a blog that is new to me, but one that is incredibly well done and so sexy. Their post about threesomes just set me off in the most delicious way and I also don’t seem to understand math as I completely agree two can, indeed, go into one!

Hey, Mrs. Robinson picked a great topic for her Wicked Wednesday post (there is a trigger warning attached to so please read with caution) this week, one that made me feel so many things, see the highs and lows, and gave an excellent peek inside their head and into life as well. I’ve been there in some ways Mrs. Robinson so just know that you’re not alone and that someone is proud of you.

Alright y’all, sadly I’m running short on time to get some other things done so this will be it for my #SOSS this weekend. Hope you enjoy the posts as much as I did and know that I’m grateful to be part of such a great community!

Love,

Livvy

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Review: The Dodil

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The thermos container that the Dodil comes packaged in.

When I first heard about the Dodil I was curious, but also felt like it might be a little on the gimmicky side. That said, I still wanted to try it because who wouldn’t want to be able to have a custom dildo. I love that it comes packaged in a thermos container that is actually a useful part of the design and a good place to store the Dodil when not in use. I do wish the thermos or its lid was a bit taller though so it could be screwed shut for better storage. Of course, depending on the shape the toy is molded into this is a non-issue.

When I initially boiled my water and poured it into thermos with the Dodil and then waited twenty minutes instead of the thirty the directions called for because I was getting impatient, I quickly discovered on my first try shaping the Dodil that it can be more difficult than you might expect. I know my first shape wasn’t pretty, nor was it effective as a G-spot toy like I was hoping it would be. But, the beauty of the Dodil is that I was able to place it back in the thermos, refill it with water, and there I had it, a nice straight toy that I could shape and design to my heart’s content until I found what was just right for me.

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Before molding

So I started designing and shaping and molding and even enlisted my partner’s help to see what they could come up with as well. Between us we came up with various textured or curved designs that when tried ended up being varying amounts of successful in the way that they helped me reach an orgasm or not. I lost count of how many configurations I tried and I’m sure that I will try many more of them in my never-ending quest for more orgasms, please!

Obviously the Dodil requires you to have a bit of patience, a trait that I am lacking, in order to let it get soft enough to mold, then cool enough to handle and for me that was a little frustrating simply because, as I said, I am not a patient woman. But seeing as this is simply the mode of action for the toy I guess I’d better learn some patience and better sculpting skills while I’m at it. My initial reaction to the included bit of plastic string to tie the Dodil into shapes was to assume that it was more than a bit fiddly and immediately discount it. But once I had some practice shaping and molding the Dodil, I found that having a way to hold it in place that didn’t involve me holding it to keep a shape or texture from coming undone was quite nice. One thing that I do wish, is that the Dodil had a bit more mass to it, not length or girth specifically just more material to work with in general, although I’m learning to work with what I’ve got!

Above: Three different shapes I tried out. Can you tell that I love curvy dildos?

I still stand by my statement that the Dodil is a bit of a gimmick where toys are concerned, but I find that it is a rather novel one. I may not use the toy frequently because it can be a more than little fussy, what with the boiling water and everything, but I feel like it has its place in my sex toy arsenal, as a tester of shapes if nothing else. We’ll see how that evolves over time. If we find something that we particularly like we can see about finding a more permanent solution. But that ability to test out various shapes and textures seems like it could be useful in the long term.

If you’re interested you can purchase the full Dodil kit at Luvoqa for $111.00 or you can check out your favorite body safe sex toy retailer.

Luvoqa sent me the Dodil in exchange for a fair, honest, and unbiased review. There are affiliate links used in this post.

#SOSS – Share our Shit Sunday (Because Saturday Never Seems to Work Out)

So I’m terrible at doing a #SOSS post as it is because while I enjoy reading other blogs, I always forget to note what I really liked or enjoyed. Not making notes can make blogging hard. Bad Livvy. Anyway, here’s my belated #SOSS post for this week.

I found this wonderful post from Bex Talks Sex about expressing dominance and while I’m definitely not much on the dominant side of the spectrum, I loved this post and how it came together so neatly. Also, it was interestingly hot to me. I love hearing about other people’s thoughts and ideas on their fantasies.

Mary Q. Confesses brought out a stellar review of the Doxy Number 3 that seriously makes me want to get my hot little hands on one. She is thorough and concise at the same time, explaining her points and not sugar coating things. So if anyone want to buy me a new toy…

Selene is a Sinful Sunday photo taken by Bibulous One that really speaks to me on a visceral level. Not only do I love winged mythological creatures as pictured here, but the gentle sloping curves of the figure surrounded by stars makes my heart happy.

So these are my top three posts that I wanted to share this week and if you haven’t seen them, you should. So go check them out! Until next time!

Share Our Shit Saturday (Or Sunday in my case)

Hey folx! I’m here this weekend to share some of my favorite posts that I’ve seen recently because Sharing Our Shit is important. Now I realize that this post is actually supposed to be Share Our Shit Saturday, but I’m usually a day late and a dollar short. So I’m sharing shit on Sunday instead.

Reviews

My favorite review of the week goes to Scandarella with her take on the We-Vibe Clitoral Vibrator. This was a well written, honest review that shows just how popular companies like We-Vibe don’t always make the greatest products for everyone out there (unlike what people might want to believe). Based off of Scandarella’s review I’m pretty sure this toy would be a dud for me altogether. I love when I can read a good, unambiguous review and tell whether the toy would suit me or not without having to guess.

My favorite worst toy review (because of the toy itself, not the writing) goes to Red Hot Suz for her Sistalk Doctor Whale toy. While there are lots of great kegel exercisers on the market (I’m partial to the Aneros Evi), this simply isn’t one of them and Suz makes that demonstrably clear in her writing.

Stories/Pics

One amazing story of the week goes to Kayla Lords by far. I’m normally a very tense person so this really appealed as something I’d like my own lover to do to me. Plus it was hotter than hell just like all of the smut she writes. I love it!

Next up comes Cara Sutra with her erotic story, “In Santa’s Lap”; this one is a hot fantasy about what could happen if a naughty girl really did get to see Santa at the mall. It mixes a great daydream into something that the reader can see as happening until at the very end she is snapped out of it and has to leave. This one left me wet and wanting more.

Aurora Glory is a favorite blogger of mine for her excellent writing and always friendly nature. Her post this week for Wicked Wednesday was all about some steamy, hot sex in an unexpected place.

 Beautiful Bliss in Bondage is one of the hottest pictures I’ve seen in quite sometime. I love looking at the Sinful Sunday posts and while they’re all great photos this one really tripped my buttons and I love that Michael made sure to note that the photo was posted with Bliss’ consent, which is something that is very important to me.

And that’s a wrap y’all. I know it is a day late, but these are some of my favorite things from around the web this week. Hopefully I can make this at least a semi-regular posting and keep showcasing the great work of other bloggers around the web.

Love,

Livvy

Ethical Porn, Feminist Porn

I recently read an article that discussed just how feminist porn began shaping porn in the 80s and has continued to do so in this more modern era of smartphones and instant gratification, where porn is treated as a commodity to be seen and discarded, where mainstream pornography showcases things like violence, force, and a sheer lack of diversity in the total bodies of work that are being produced.

Now some feminists will tell you that all porn is bad or degrading, some will say its a good thing, and others have differing opinions altogether. As a woman who considers herself to be opened minded, if not quite meeting the definition of a feminist, I say that porn needs the diversity, many people want it and will go out of their way to search it out. The mainstream cut and dried tropes of so much pornography is no longer relevant to a large and growing number of people.

I’ve suggested before that making ethical porn is something that can be done and should be done. By working to legitimize the business itself and treat adult performers like anyone else with a day job, by making sure that people are safe on set, by showing things like consent, by continuing to improve and do better and not succumbing to the free sites with stolen content we can provide ethical porn to viewers who want to see it. I wish I could say that everyone wants to see well made, ethical porn, but I recognize that just isn’t the case.

But the problem is that ethical porn, feminist created or not, is not often found on the free tube sites which is where the majority of consumers turn to get their porn. Or if it is there it is just clips that have been stolen and reposted without credit to the actors or creators of the particular piece of art. Because, yes, good porn is an art form just like regular cinematography is. There is no difference between this amazing film by such and such Hollywood director and the amazing work of ethical, feminist leaning porn stars, directors, and producers throughout the industry. But people label it differently because pornography is still a taboo or forbidden subject. It has garnered more mainstream attention as the industry grows, but many people will still be ashamed to admit that they do indeed watch it. I’m not one of those people. I happily watch well made porn from time to time.

My point here is that ethical, feminist porn does exist, should exist, and will continue to exist and grow. Performers who choose their own scenes and feel comfortable doing them are going to have more fun in front of that camera and that will shine through. And the performers don’t all have to be cis, white, and skinny or fit. They don’t have to be conventionally attractive because there is beauty in everyone. Feminist porn has started to pave the way for more trans, queer, and gender non-conforming performers to have a place in the world of pornography and to advocate for a broader audience with more varied tastes. Ethical porn overlaps here in that it does the same thing in many cases.

My question to do you is what makes porn both ethical and/or feminist? When is mainstream porn going to become more about real sex with imperfections and giggles and stories to be told rather than just using women or men as objects of lust? When will people learn that they can learn from watching better porn than what the standard tube sites tend to offer? Sure, it costs more, but isn’t quality better than quantity in some cases? I think this is one of them and I think that more ethical and feminist porn needs to continue to be produced in order to create greater diversity within the market of pornography. We may never see a return to the adult theaters that existed prior to the rise of VHS, but we can see the rise of cinematography and plot and story in porn that is more than just a parody of something else. And I think that people need to see that. What are your thoughts on the ideas of ethical and feminist porn and how they affect the industry as a whole?

Kink of the Week – Wax Play (Random Thoughts)

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Wax play isn’t something that is completely new to me, as I have tried it, but not enough times to really form an opinion of it. I felt like the experience was pretty lackluster altogether and I’m thinking that wax play, as good as it felt to have the wax dripped on me (it makes me think of paraffin dips when you get a manicure), might not be my thing.

But then again I wonder; would it be hotter if the wax was then flogged from my skin? Or if it was dribbled somewhere that wasn’t my back. Could I handle it? Would I even like it? Could it be combined with a regular spanking somehow? Hot wax on my ass followed by hand prints or vice versa. It feels like there could be so many variations on how the wax play is done and how the wax itself is used to create various sensations on different parts of the body that it leaves me very curious.

Am I curious enough to try it again? Maybe. Would I like to find a way to incorporate other sexy things into it? Absolutely. And the bigger question is do I trust my partner to do this to me, to which the answer is unequivocally yes. I like to play on the edge of things and for me wax play is part of that edge and I don’t really know why. Maybe because of the idea that its going to really hurt or burn me, even though it is unlikely as my partner is very careful and won’t drip wax on me without knowing the temperature first. I honestly don’t know. I’ve spent the better part of a week reflecting on this and haven’t come any closer to reaching answers than I was when I started.

If anyone has any good ideas about how to make wax play more fun or interesting for me, please feel free to comment and share them. I might try them and find something I really enjoy or I might try them and decide for sure that wax play just isn’t quite my thing. This is one I think I’ll have to both play by ear a little and plan a little and see where it goes. Hopefully somewhere fun!

Intimacy and a More Fulfilling Relationship

Casual intimacy in my relationship is not an uncommon thing. We share little touches, inside jokes, and looks that only we can read, among many other little gestures. We cuddle just for the sake of cuddling. We kiss gently for no reason other than to share a kiss. We cook together in a tiny kitchen that is barely big enough for two. Basically, our intimacy is part of our every day life.

This creates a strong feeling of closeness and togetherness that is, in my opinion, often better than any sex we could have. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not knocking the sex, it’s great, but it is the little things that are the glue that keeps us together.

And the effect that those little intimacies has means that when I am craving touch and perhaps my partner hasn’t thought about it I can say to them, “Hey, come cuddle with me.” Sometimes it leads to more and sometimes it doesn’t. And it is OK either way it happens to go. But it makes us better and stronger. It is also a great help because we suffer from mismatched libidos and sometimes I want something more than they do or they aren’t up for sex at all. We compromise and find other ways to satisfy that intimacy, even if it means my partner getting me off or holding onto me while I get myself off.

And now we’re getting into more than just causal intimacy I suppose, but when you’ve been together for a period of time doesn’t everything become kind of casual? Sex isn’t always perfect. You might laugh mid-orgasm and break the mood a little. Things might go sideways somehow; you never know what might happen when you engage in sex. Perhaps you haven’t shaved you legs in a few days, but your partner isn’t going to care all that much because they love you and care for you and want to share an intimate experience with you.

Ultimately, everything from tiny kisses to murmured “I love yous” is going to bring a couple closer together in some way. It’s part of sharing and building a life together, part of caring for another person. The effects of intimacy on a relationship cannot be overstated as anything other than a good thing.

Conversely, what about the lack of that intimacy in a relationship? I’ve been on both sides of the coin, you see, and the sheer lack of touch and affection left me starved for it. Even now I crave it sometimes simply because I need it, other times because it feels like an approval of me and who I am and that I am lovable. Lacking intimacy in a personal relationship breed resentment and fear and eventually it can lead to a complete and total breakdown of the relationship itself.

When this happens you can try couples counseling or trying reintroducing intimacy slowly back into your lives, but it must be done carefully so as to not upset the delicate balance you and your partner are trying to achieve, which is a happy medium that you can both live with, particularly if one partner isn’t terribly affectionate to begin with. Sadly, it isn’t always possibly to do so and the relationship fails through no one’s fault, but merely a lack of emotional and physical intimacy.

Because this emotional and physical intimacy is so important to keeping a happy and thriving relationship alive, it must be worked on and nurtured and almost become second nature to you and to your partner. Always take a moment to give them that kiss or hug, make sure they know that they are a priority in your life and your relationship will be all the richer for it.