Sex Beyond Penile Vaginal Intercourse

Sex is typically supposed to be an inherently pleasurable act for two or more parties. Everyone involved should feel comfortable and able to express their feelings and desires. For many straight couples though sex seems to begin and end at the traditional definition of penis in vagina (PIV) sex. Sure maybe some couples are adventuresome and enjoy anal sex, but in many ways it isn’t too different from PIV and that makes it somewhat familiar, while being just a little different and naughty at the same time. And there may be just as many non-straight couples or groups who are stuck in a sex rut of their own. The question here, is how to escape that rut?

One way to do is to look at sex as something more than just intercourse (whatever your definition of that is) and to engage your brain on a more sexual level. Now I know some of you may already do this and get where I’m coming from, but for those of you wondering what does my brain have to do with sex, let me tell you something you might not know. The brain is the largest erogenous zone that we have. It can process sex in visual, auditory, tactile, or even olfactory or tasty ways. Maybe your lover always wears a certain perfume and it trips your buttons (for me its the smell or taste of my favorite lube, coconut oil), the sound of sheets rustling, a naughty picture sent to your cellphone (The Ultimate Sex Toy?) or any number of other things that might grab your attention. Use that as fuel for the fire so to speak. Utilize your imagination to come up with new, creative things to try and run with it.

At that point you’re starting to move away from the idea that sex is strictly “this thing, this way” and exploring territory that may be unfamiliar to you. Maybe technology becomes a larger feature in your sex life (beyond watching porn that is hopefully ethically sourced and paid for rather than by using tube sites, but that’s a different matter) and you discover wearable, remote controllable or Bluetooth capable sex toys. Maybe you sext more. Whatever you’re doing you’re engaging at a different level than “just the basics.”

Your avenues to sexual pleasure and satisfaction are increasing with each new thing that you learn beyond PIV intercourse. Have you ever tried using a dildo on your partner or watching them while they masturbate for you? Have you ever tried fisting? Or flogging? Or even some new weird position that your partner saw in Cosmopolitan or online or whatever? What can you do to make your sex life exciting and fresh? What can you do that isn’t PIV sex that everyone enjoys?

Or maybe you enjoy your sex life just the way it is. That’s fine too. But if you don’t, if you are unhappy with the status quo don’t ever be afraid to approach your sexual partners and say something. Communication is vital to good sex and again there we go with engaging the brain. Maybe part of your communication involves sharing fantasies together and picturing where they could lead if you let them. Maybe you struggle to physically talk about sex. Write it down! Draw a picture! Do what you need to do to move into a new aspect of your sex life that engages your brain more consistently and increases your pleasure. Just whatever you do and however you do it, be safe, sane, consensual, and communicative.

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Review: Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples

SatisfyerCouples2I wasn’t sure about this new couples toy from Satisfyer from the get go. It just didn’t look quite right to me as far as angles go and I had some misgivings about whether or not it would suit my body. But before we get into that, let me tell you more about the toy itself.

The silky while silicone of the toy (which is a hallmark of the newest line up of Satisfyer toys) is plush and lovely to the touch and is a perfect compliment to the ABS plastic rose gold buttons. The toy does have a certain elegance about it and I’m sure this plush feeling and muted color choice attribute to that. It is also relatively quiet, much quieter than some previous Satisfyer toys that use the pressure wave technology. And, as a wonderful touch, it happens to be waterproof and recharable. No messing about with batteries here, just clicking the included cable into place with a magnetic charger and plugging the other end into a USB port either on your computer or wall adapter. It can be used with a water or oil based lubricant.

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The Pro 4 Couples has eleven different intensities of clitoral pressure wave stimulation ranging from barely there to holy crap it’s a jackhammer on my clit, albeit a buzzy jackhammer that is mildly uncomfortable. It also has an arm that vibrates to the tune of ten patterns of varying intensity and steadiness. The steady vibrations are always what seems to work best for me, but if you like a bit of variety the Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples does offer that with the vibration patterns it produces.

Unfortunately the toy didn’t suit my anatomy at all. Either I had the pressure wave stimulator on my clit and the arm kind of just hanging out or I had the vibrating arm inside of me and the clitoral stimulator was nowhere near my clit. My partner tried bending the flexible arm to help me get it in place to no success. So it was basically a no go for me from the outset, although the steady vibrations were relatively rumbly compared to some other toys I’ve used and the patterns were OK, but again not my thing. So, sadly, my despite our best attempts, my partner and I couldn’t make this toy work for us no matter how hard we tried.

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But, if couples toys are your thing and you want to try a quality product that is well made I would suggest the Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples. You can purchase it directly from the www.satisfyer.com shop for $69.95 or check your favorite body safe sex toy retailer.

This toy was provided to me by the good folks at Satisfyer in exchange for a fair, honest, and unbiased review. All opinions are my own.

Review: Charm Wand

The Charm is a small handheld wand that is sold through www.pinkbob.com. I was quite excited to add another wand to my slowly growing collection, especially something that is a bit smaller than some of the other wands that I own. Immediately I wondered though, would it be powerful enough to get me off? I plugged it in for a good charge and then decided to find out.

First off, let me say that this wand is made of silicone and ABS plastic and works with water or oil based lubricant which is a big plus to me and it is rechargeable via the included USB cable. It does not, however, appear to say whether or not the toy is waterproof or water resistant, but I would always err on the side of caution and assume any toy not explicitly stated to be waterproof is not. It offers seven functions, six of which are patterns, and one of which is a steady one speed fits all basic setting. Now I hate patterns so this wasn’t ideal for me.

It is, happily, not as loud as it first appears, although it would be noticeable even through a closed door I think. The Charm does what it is supposed to do in that it provides broad stimulation to the vulva and clitoris, but I’m a little bit iffy on the power of the wand itself, especially given that I have a bullet vibrator that provides pinpoint stimulation that has the same amount of power packed in a much smaller toy. The difference, I suppose is that each toy has its own unique purpose, but I would liked to have seen more power in the Charm than it has. That said, it is not like the Charm Wand couldn’t get me off. It could and did, but the orgasms weren’t altogether satisfying. I wanted deep, body shaking orgasms like I’m used to getting from my other wands and instead I got ones that were “just” orgasms. No body quaking, earth moving, moan loud enough to wake the neighbors, just perfectly adequate orgasms.

I still absolutely love the fact that it is so small and can be used with other toys or a partner without getting in the way, but the orgasms themselves are just frustrating to me. I was really hoping for something a little stronger. That said I don’t hate the Charm Wand and I think it may have a day when I do have more than adequate orgasms from it if I’m feeling particularly sensitive, but lately that hasn’t been the case for me. So maybe there’s hope after all.

Of the toys I was sent by PinkBOB and their sister site Too Timid, this was the better toy (you can read the other review here) and could possibly see some use as a back massager as well as a sex toy for me. It could be that this toy really shines at getting the knots out of back; who knows? At any rate if you’re interested in a small wand with a smooth silicone finish, several patterns to choose from, and something less intense than say a Magic Wand, this could be the perfect toy for you. You can purchase it at www.pinkbob.com for $69.95.

#SOSS 10 Round Up Some Love

This edition of #SOSS brought to you by marzipan candy and a salad; never mind that’s lunch. Anyway, I hope that y’all find these post as entertaining or enlightening as I have. Happy reading!

We Are Shadows by the ever lovely Ella Scandal is a work that you need to read for yourself. The story is fantastic and, as always, well written with a fun twist that I never expected at the end.

Bare Essentials by Wicked Wednesday’s host, Marie Rebelle, made me squirm and laugh at the same time. I’m glad I got to read the story in its entirety and love how the events all went down. Nothing like a little fun between partners right?

The Yoga Sutra and D/s by Brigit of Brigit Writes stuck a chord within me as I’ve done just enough of both D/s and yoga to start to have a grasp on her words and how much sense they make to me. It inspires me to get back to my yoga that I’ve been neglecting and to work at being more present in my D/s life.

Your sex blogger voice matters by Isabelle Lauren really made me stop and think about how I feel about writing about topics  others have already covered. I feel like I’m not good enough to cover those topics as well and have something new enough or different enough that my voice will make a difference. Looks like I need to get out of my own head a bit and write what I want to write.

 

Review: Flexible Silicone Vibrating Dildo

When I received this dildo from www.tootimid.com my curiosity was piqued when I opened the package to reveal a somewhat wobbly g-spot toy. The vibrating dildo has a lot of give to it in the middle, which made me wonder if it would work for me because my g-spot is very picky about what it likes and that tends to be lots of pleasure…err pressure. So I charged it up via the included USB cable and away we went.

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The very first thing I noticed as the toy was charging is that the lights on the buttons are an incredibly obnoxious shade of blue, one that would draw the eye if it was left, say charging on dresser and someone walked into the room. There would be no mistaking it for exactly what it is. So if you like a little discretion make sure this one is definitely put away before any company comes over. The upside to the bright lights is that once the toy is turned one the buttons are easy to see in a dark room (which I’m sure was the intent.)

This vibrating dildo has a slightly bulbous head with some slight ridges along it. Inside of me the ridges were absolutely unnoticeable and therefore unremarkable. The shape of the head isn’t bad but it is pretty basic as far as g-spot toys go. However, while I probably could’ve orgasmed from thrusting the head against my g-spot I found that the toy had too much flex and give to it for me to adequately thrust as hard or even as fast as I might like.

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Beyond the fact that this toy and I simply aren’t compatible it is a nice looking toy. The silicone is smooth to the touch and while I can see mold lines where the toy was made I can’t feel them even running my hand over them. The ABS plastic handle is suitably shiny and reflective which is a nice touch, but with lube coated fingers can be a bit slippery. Another quality issue I noticed is that the motor in the end of toy sounds like it isn’t seated quite properly and while it doesn’t rattle around like it might break it is noticeable if you give the toy a good shake or flex. It probably isn’t a big deal and it didn’t seem to affect the toy’s performance, but I do like to be thorough.

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It offers four patterns and three speeds that fall somewhere between rumbly and buzzy and the only one that did for me was the strongest speed, but even then the flex of the toy meant that I couldn’t get it in just the right spot to have an orgasm. Granted I tend to HATE patterns in my vibrators so the fact that they didn’t do much for isn’t surprising. Overall I’m going to have to make the call and say this one was a dud for me.Despite my lackluster experience, if you’d like to give this toy a try and perhaps enjoy it far more than I did you can find it at wwww.tootimid.com for $54.95.

This Flexible Silicone Vibrating Dildo was sent to me by Too Timid in exchange for a fair, honest, and unbiased review. All opinions are my own.

Review Satisfyer Pro Plus Vibration

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The instant I turned the Pro Plus Vibration on I had a feeling that this toy and I were not going to get along in the slightest. It seemed like it would be far too busy for me to focus on either aspect of the pleasure the toy should bring in order to reach an orgasm. But, being the intrepid sex toy explorer that I am, I broke out the lube and gave it my best shot.

The pressure waves alone are no different than those of any other toy in this line up and I know from using previous Satisfyer toys that I can and do orgasm from them. But I was pretty leery of the vibration. Here I am, pantsless, and I turn just the pulsations on and it feels pretty good. OK, maybe I’m gonna be wrong about this; I have been before. I waited until I was close to orgasm before turning on the vibrations and everything just, well, stopped for me. The vibrations drowned out the pressure waves and rattled me half to death it seemed and that long awaited orgasm was gone, gone, gone. It was just too much stimulation all at once and my body noped right on out of the fun.

I was actually pretty sad about this because as much as I had my misgivings I was really hoping this toy would work out and produce some earth shattering orgasms for me. So I gave it a couple days and decided to try it again. Maybe I would be wrong and this would turn out to be a better experience than my first one was.

But it wasn’t. This time I started with just the vibrations, but they were so buzzy (and seemingly annoyingly loud) to me that I just couldn’t get anywhere near an orgasm even without the pulsations. After another chance at the pulsations to almost an orgasm and turning the vibes back on only for my body to just recoil from the sensation I knew there was no way that I was getting an orgasm out of this toy. Which is a real shame as I had some high hopes that this would be something amazing with the right combination of pulsing and vibrations.

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Buttons with charger magnets at the bottoms

However, there are some good things I can say about the Satisfyer Pro Plus Vibration. The ergonomics of the toy are fantastic and the buttons were placed perfectly. No fighting, no fiddling, and no fumbling around in the dark. It helps that the toy itself lights up pretty brightly so you can see somewhat as well. And another good thing is that the “annoyingly loud buzziness” isn’t nearly as loud as I thought it was. I couldn’t hear the toy from the next room. And for those of you who enjoy a little bath time fun, the Satisfyer Pro Plus Vibration is waterproof, but please make sure to use water based lubricant with it.

So for me this toy was an absolute dud. No go. But if you’re interested in a Satisfyer toy that brings a little something extra to the table besides just the pulsations then this just might be the one for you. You can find it at Peepshow Toys for $69.95 or you can check your favorite body safe sex toy retailer. Or, just for my readers you can checkout at the Satisfyer website with a special code “livvy25” to get a 25% discount. This offer is only valid in the U.S., Canada, and Europe. Offer ends April 2nd.

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The Satisfyer Pro Plus Vibration was sent to me by Satisfyer in exchange for a fair, honest, and unbiased review. All opinions are my own. There are affiliate links used in this post.

Can Maybe Sometimes Mean Yes?

(Just so we’re clear, I did not write this piece as some kind of weird defense against any of the recent current events involving sexual assault, harassment, and rape allegation that have been all over the media. I wrote this more from the point of view of being in a relationship and making negotiations about pleasure in those relationships.)

Alright everyone, hear me out here before you decide I’m crazy and don’t understand enthusiastic consent. I know that in a perfect world yes would mean yes and no would mean no, but what exactly does maybe mean? Is it a future yes or a future no? Is it supposed to be a polite, if unclear and vague, way of saying no? Does it come from a place of fear of saying yes or no?

Or does it come out of the idea that my partner might like something that I am ambivalent about? Could it be that I simply have a neutral attitude towards something and so I give the neutral answer? But how does that impact pleasure? If my partner never gets this thing that they want and enjoy, could that breed resentment or even anger? Sure it could. But if I’ve said maybe to whatever their sex act of choice is, that doesn’t mean I’ve committed one way or the other. It could mean I’m unsure because I don’t know what they want. It could mean that I am completely uninterested in it. Or the thing could just be kind of meh for me.

So, what if maybe, sometimes, under the right circumstances, meant yes? It means that a person in an actively consenting relationship could be willing to do a thing. It might mean that they do it simply to give their partner pleasure, but they are still willing to do it despite their own feelings towards it. And that is an OK thing to do. Hell, that’s a good thing to do if you ask me. I feel that it contributes to a healthier sex life over all.

However, I recognize that there are some things that some people simply won’t or can’t or don’t want to do. So in that case what does maybe mean? At that point it sees like a way to give your partner the hope that you might be willing to try something new when you’re not even open to it. In that case I would posit that maybe means no, but I would also suggest that you learn to communicate with your partner in such a way that saying no to them is OK. That avoids miscommunications and any vagueness regarding doing or not doing x, y, or z sexual activity. This ability also leads to a healthier sex life.

Now we get to the idea of maybe and consent. Does maybe imply consent? In a long term relationship where the people know one another well, it might or might not. That all depends on the nature of the relationship and how well the people in it can communicate their needs and wants. But if this is just a short term thing or a one time thing, I feel like the people involved have to be more clear than just saying maybe. Maybe can be ambiguous for many reasons and the root of those reasons should be known before assuming that maybe does, in fact, mean yes. So in the long run, I feel like maybe should automatically be treated as a no, except in certain circumstances, such as a long term relationship and even then it requires constant talking and dialog in order to make sure all parties are on the same page.

Have you ever told a partner maybe? How did they respond? Did you wind up doing whatever that maybe activity was anyway? Were you trying to politely say no? Or were you scared to say yes? All of those questions (and more I’m sure; feel free to share your own) are the reasons I ask if maybe can sometimes mean yes. What do you think about maybe instead of a definitive yes or no?