Wicked Wednesday 293 – The ex – (I Might as Well Enjoy It)


So I’ve written before about my ex husband and some of the hell he put me through. I won’t rehash that again here, but for anyone that really wants to read it here’s the link (CW: abuse, rape) Today, I have another story, one that makes me laugh instead of be angry or sad.

“If you’re going to get shit for it, you might as well enjoy it.” Those were the words spoken to me in a quiet conversation by a good friend and my now partner after my ex-husband had accused me for the umpteenth time of cheating on him with any number of various people. Now, I will state for the record that of all the people he accused me of sleeping with, I never slept with any of them, despite having opportunity. I tried to take my marriage vows seriously, even as my marriage disintegrated. But the idea of enjoying myself just because I got shit for it appealed to me.

So I did. I flirted and teased and hugged my friends, male or female, it didn’t matter to me or to them and many of them were in on the joke. Looking back at it, it was probably the most immature thing I could’ve done, but it was still a lot of fun. It drove my husband crazy, but he never once found evidence, even when he started stalking me at the end of our marriage, that I had cheated on him.

When my current partner and I were still just friends before we ended up in my bed one night with them pulling my hair, we cuddled under a blanket and talked about silly things like sending imaginary cuddly photos to my ex or joked about getting married and inviting him to the wedding. Honestly the wedding joke should’ve been my first clue I was going to end up with this person, that I had wanted from afar for so very long. But that’s a different story.

One night the ex stopped by when it was just me and my partner (before we got together) and while we did nothing but sat beside one another, the ex seemed quite curious and was obviously watching us. This could’ve been a prime opportunity to really yank the man’s chain, but I refrained largely because I was honestly scared of what he might do. A short time later he asked to speak to me alone so we stepped outside for what should’ve only been a few minutes, but was more like a half hour to forty five minutes while he tried to pump me for information and asked why we had broken up and wanted to know if we could still be friends. When I’d had enough of his bullshit I turned to walk away and he followed me, trying to bar my way back into my own apartment. Shortly thereafter I had my locks changed. But, again, I’m getting off track.

I took a lot of shit for a long time and finally I decided that I may as well live it up. I’ve taken those words that were said to me and tried to apply them to my life as it is today. Happily, I no longer have to deal with a man who accused me of cheating among other things and there is a kind of absolute trust in my relationship now that neither of us would cheat on the other or deliberately cause harm. That said, I will reiterate that at the time I did enjoy making my spouse think all kinds of things and it was, in some small part, a bit of revenge for the way he treated me in other ways. I’m not perfect and I might as well enjoy it.


Wicked Wednesday 286 – Wedding Night


Allen and Lana had a small, but relatively fancy wedding; a concession to Lana’s mother who had wanted to go huge and invite everybody and then some. Instead she suffered a small wedding that she got to plan and boy could she plan. But this isn’t really about Allen and Lana’s wedding, although it went off without a hitch and was quite lovely.

Allen and Lana arrived at the small private cottage at an exclusive resort in the mountains and Lana laughed as Allen insisted upon carrying her across the threshold even though this wasn’t really home. She had a feeling he’d try it again when they got home though. They relaxed and began to unwind with one another talking about nothing much at all. Allen built a fire and they sat in front of the flames arm in arm.

It began with a soft kiss. A gentle touch. His fingers in her red hair. “I love you Mrs. Green.” Lana smiled at that, “I like it. Tell me again.” “I love you Mrs. Green.” “And I love you Mr. Green.” They chuckled and snuggled closer still kissing in front of the fire. But the fire wasn’t the only thing keeping them warm. Heavy with the emotion that hung in the air and heavy with desire for one another the soft kisses gradually turned more urgent and demanding. Lana made the first move tonight, her deft fingers beginning to unbutton the soft black shirt he’d changed into after the ceremony. Quickly she had her hands planted against his bare chest and slid them up to his shoulders to remove the shirt completely. She leaned down and covered his chest in soft, chaste kisses that worked their way ever closer to the top of his pants before making her way back up to kiss him again on the lips. He ran his hands down her back to squeeze her ass and they both groaned softly. “I want you, I need you.” And he kissed her fiercely before pulling her over top of him.

Their bodies ground together insistently as lips touched and hands tugged and pulled at clothing. Finally they were both nude, Lana’s expensive lingerie forgotten in the other room where she’d meant to change, but the urgency was too much. Allen sat up, looking at his beautiful bride for a moment before trailing burning kisses along her skin. He worshipped her nude body from her toes to the top of her head, leaving her squirming and breathless under his touches and kisses. She stared up at him with those grey eyes, her love and need for him obvious on her face. He gave her another once over and whispered, “I can’t wait. I need you now.”

And with a gentle kiss he settled himself between her welcoming thighs, sliding his cock inside of her. Lana moaned for him, arching her hips against his touch and pulled him close. “More.” And her legs wrapped around him tightly. There was no slowness or patience between them just an ever growing urgency as they fucked. He drove deeply into her and her body quivered around him. Lana’s head thrashed wildly and she squeezed her legs tighter, wanting everything Allen could give and he gave her exactly what she was asking for. Soon their movements became more frantic, more out of sync; Lana’s voice was a quiet, constant moan, and Allen’s was a whisper urging her on. As an orgasm ripped through her the dirty words that left his mouth became an, “I love you.” and that only made her writhe harder, tightening and squeezing around him, her legs a vice around his body at the same time.

As Lana came back to herself she stared at up at him. “I love you too. Now do that again.” He laughed softly and kissed her once more. As she let her legs relax, splayed out around him, he began to move slowly, teasing her, wanting to draw out the experience. She wiggled her hips and held him closer to her, her voice soft and decidedly naughty, “Allen James Green, stop being a tease and just fuck your wife.” And she gave him a cheeky grin. Between the look on her face and her words he was undone and began to fuck her urgently as she pressed her heels into the ground driving her hips against his. She reached between them, her fingers finding her clit and Allen stopped to watch her for a moment before he forced himself to move again. “I want to watch you make yourself come for me later. You’ll do that won’t you, wife?” His voice ended on a soft growl that Lana loved and she moaned a yes as he drove her ever closer to another earth shattering orgasm. It built more slowly this time, his body looming over hers in the firelight, their shadows echoing the couple’s movements. Lana wrapped her free hand around Allen’s neck and pulled him down for a kiss, her hips and fingers never ceasing their motion. That kiss was his final undoing as her tongue tangled with his. His hips bucked against hers and she could feel how close he was. “Do it. I want to feel you come inside me for the first time.” Allen threw his head back and they both moaned as he lost control. That drove Lana to another orgasm and she held onto him tightly, riding it out.

After a long moment, they settled back onto the carpet rolling so Lana was wrapped in Allen’s arms and snuggled together in front of the fire. Lana smiled lazily. “I love you. And I love the way you feel inside me. We need to do that more often.” Allen laughed and stroked her hair. “Oh we will, love. We will.”

There are several more stories in this series and they can be found here, here, here, and here. Enjoy!

KOTW – Cutting/tearing off clothes (Memento)


I’d never really given the idea of tearing or cutting clothing off during sex much thought. I’d never had a partner try it and despite reading about it in plenty of erotica it didn’t really catch my eye. Besides, I reasoned, why would I want to ruin a perfectly good pair of cute panties or a good shirt?

And then it happened. The very first time I had sex with a certain partner I got a little wild and while I didn’t tear their clothing completely off, I did rip the shoulder out of the t-shirt that they were wearing. I was in such a head space that I didn’t recall it at the time, but I was told about it later with a laugh. I was also told to just pitch the shirt as it was (obviously) now ruined. Instead I kept the shirt and put it on the next night when I got home from work. I wasn’t sure if that encounter would be our only one and if it was then I was keeping the shirt as a memento of some of the best sex I’ve ever had (maybe even the best.)

It is years later and I still have that shirt, and the partner, if anyone is wondering. I’ve worn it to dye my hair so now it had purple spots on it, it has food stains that never quite came out, it’s old and tattered and I refuse to part with it. I actually almost cried when I got hair dye on to be honest. It is just a little thing, but it means so much to me that I can’t bring myself to part with it. It will forever be a piece of my history that is etched in my brain in flashes and snippets and moments of clarity and that is something that I cherish completely.

Wicked Wednesday 283 – Memory Lane (Traumatic)

WARNING: This post is about sexual assault and rape and may be triggering for some readers. Please take care of you and if you’re worried about this causing a problem feel free to skip this post. Love, Livvy


When I told my ex-husband I wanted a divorce, he asked me why and I simply told him I was gay. There was far more to the story than that, but that’s for another time. He took this declaration of mine as a personal challenge. His stance included a suicide threat that was nothing more than attention grabbing, but far worse than that was the quickly escalated abuse.

He wouldn’t have penetrative sex with me because I had immediately stopped taking my birth control in order to avoid just such a thing happening, but he wanted something so he grabbed me by the hair and forced me to give him a blow job. I choked and gagged and eventually he grew disgusted with me and threw me back across the bed. I honestly thought he was going to physically harm me at that point. If things had stopped there it might have been OK for me. I might have mentally been able to get over that particular incident (although I’d put up with years of such treatment.) But that wasn’t the end of it.

Several days later he found me nude in our bedroom. He asked me if he could perform oral sex on me and I said no. I found this to be an odd request given how he’d never liked doing so before now. But when I said no he kept pushing and trying manipulate me into giving in. Finally (and to my shame) I did. Why? Because I just wanted it to stop. Later I learned of the term coercive rape and that is what had happened to me there. I didn’t even have the courage or ability left in me to fight back and stand up for myself. I felt so defeated and broken. I felt like it was my fault for a very long time and it has taken years for me to learn and understand otherwise

These are two memories that will stick with me, and haunt me, for the rest of my life. Sometimes I still wake up crying. It took some time before I would let my current partner see me naked and more before I was OK with oral sex again. I try to remember these good times when the bad ones come rushing back. It helps. So does talking about it.

But today I’m writing about it largely to get the term coercive rape out there. For all the people who were pressured, badgered, and manipulated into a sexual act that they didn’t want, you’re not alone. And it isn’t or wasn’t your fault. If you’re suffering or struggling, please seek help. Talk to a counselor, a trusted friend, your pastor…whoever you can open up to (I know that’s hard), but it helps the healing process. I’ve struggled with opening up and I rarely go into detail about this if I do talk about it. I use euphemisms and subtle hints and references, but rarely do I say anything words related to sexuality out loud. I just don’t have it in me to do so.

And I know these are terrible memories to share and I hope that my readers will forgive me, but I needed to talk about this as I do every so often, because even after half a decade I am still trying to process it all, still trying to cope. I don’t know if I’ll ever be better, but I’ll be stronger eventually.

WickedWednesday279 – (Sweetness)


It was a chilly fall day and Allen was taking a walk in the park with his girlfriend Lana. She’d begun to step more and more out of the social whirlwind that her life had been and was much more low key. It drove her mother to distraction, but Lana was an adult with her own money and she could do with it as she saw fit. The only downside was how lonely it could be when Allen wasn’t around. A lot of her “friends” had dropped her once she started appearing less and less and the various galas and parties that were held for everything from the arts to the zoo. Allen loved that they had more time together, but worried about Lana. He’d queried her on the matter before but she assured him everything was fine. He smiled to himself and hoped everything was about to become more fine. She’d met his friends and family and they loved her. He loved her. Allen glanced around and spotted the photographer sitting discreetly on a bench some distance away.

Stopping Lana under a canopy of red and yellow and gold leaves he gave her a gentle kiss, lingering for a moment too long before taking a deep breath and looking at her. “Lana, I love you,” he spoke as he moved to kneel and pull a small box from his pocket, “and I know this isn’t much like maybe you’d imagined things would be, but will you be my wife?” Her mouth opened briefly in surprise. She loved Allen dearly and never thought this day might come, even now. She’d always felt she was hard to love, but knowing how Allen felt; she dropped to her knees against him, not caring what anyone thought and a whispered yes floated to his ears. He slipped the small diamond onto her finger and held her close as they shared another kiss. Allen thought he could vaguely hear the click of a camera.

Slowly the couple rose and Allen turned a smiling Lana around to face the camera and wrapped his arms around her. A final shot and Allen knew these pictures would be a fantastic surprise, although Lana was too busy staring at him to have (thankfully) noticed she was on camera the entire time. Once they were developed he’d make a gift of them to her. As they turned to continue their walk Allen shot a quick wave at the photographer who headed off to work on these newest shots. They knew these were some good shots and almost regretted that Allen had made her sign an NDA about them, but she understood the need for privacy for himself and his fiancee whom she’d recognized from the social pages in the local paper.

Lana was content walking with Allen, knowing she’d walk with him wherever he wanted to go and they gradually made the loop back to car chatting quietly about everything and nothing. At one point he looked at her. “You know, Darlin’, I’m glad you’re not like so many other women. Most of them would already be planning the wedding.” They laughed together. “Our time together is definitely more than just wedding planning and that’s not going to change.” She winked and gave him a wicked little grin before standing on tiptoe to give him a scorchingly hot kiss, ignoring the wolf whistles and calls of “Get a room!” that surrounded them. But they did take the advice as they quickly headed back to what she’d begun to think of as their house since she spent more time with Allen at there than her own lavish apartment. It had stopped feeling like home.

The instant the door closed behind them, Allen had Lana in his arms and was kissing her as though he wanted to devour her and she held to him with equal fervor. The pair broke only to undress, not caring that the bed was rooms away and Allen laid her gently on the carpeted floor where he wasted no time in diving between her legs to taste her sweet pussy. His arms wrapped around her thighs to hold her still and he licked and sucked for all he was worth and then some. He wanted nothing more than to feel her come for him. Lana’s hips bucked as she rode his face and moaned softly, reaching down to stroke his hair. “Yes, Allen, yes! I love you.” He chuckled against her skin and those vibrations made her hips twitch harder so he hummed gently as he sucked her clit between his lips and her orgasm was nearly immediate. She came so hard that she squirted for the very first time and soaked Allen to his chest. He pulled away from her laughing and grabbed his discarded shirt wiping the worst from his body while licking his lips delightedly. “We’ll do that again sometime Princess, I promise. But I need your pussy wrapped around my dick right now.” And he slid inside of her slowly causing them both to moan and then began to pump in and out slow at first, gentle, with Lana matching his rhythm as her legs wrapped around him. They rocked back and forth with one another whispering sweet nothing as they made love until suddenly Lana felt her pussy tighten around him. “I’m gonna come, ‘she gasped. Allen started down at her, “Don’t close your eyes, Baby. Let me see you.” She threw her head back and her hips moved faster against him and just as the orgasm hit her she looked back up at him her grey eyes darkening to a stormy hue. She rode it out, thrashing and bucking her hips, but never broke eye contact with Allen. He stared in awe at the beauty beneath him and with two final hard thrusts he came as well. They’d forgotten a condom and she could feel the warmth of him shooting inside of her. It made her moan and clench around him again as a second smaller orgasm hit her body. They laid there on the carpet together, thoroughly sated and happy until a chill began to set in. Then they headed to the bedroom for another round.

There are several other stories in this series. They can be found here, here, and here.

Wicked Wednesday – 262 – Blinded (Gorgeous?)

“Hello, Gorgeous.” I looked at my partner, then glanced around wondering if they were talking to me. As we were alone together, it seemed pretty obvious that I was the person being addressed. I just shook my head a little and gave them a hug. I absolutely couldn’t see why they were calling me gorgeous so I dismissed it and moved on.

Instead of being upset or annoyed with me for not acknowledging what they meant as a compliment, they have only kept repeating that same statement to me, sometimes multiple times a day or with slight variations for the last five years. Maybe eventually I’ll get it. I’ll get out of bed one morning and look in the mirror and see what my partner sees. Or there will be some crazy transcendental moment mid-orgasm. I don’t know.

I do know that I’ve never considered myself to even be cute, much less words like beautiful or gorgeous, both of which I am frequently called by my absolute favorite person in the world. Instead I look in the mirror and all I can see are the flaws that make me so human and imperfect and what I see isn’t good enough. It never has been for as long as I can remember. In a world where looks appear to be valued over everything else, I was raised to be the smart one. And it taught me that smart girls/women aren’t pretty. We’re awkward and maybe a little ugly on the outside, but beautiful on the inside (where it counts.) Being fat as well means I feel like I have that hurdle to jump as well, but I can’t jump; no really I broke a bone trying track once.

So here I am, over 30, overweight, and left staring at a reflection that I just don’t see as positive. Granted I no longer see myself as overwhelmingly negative and sometimes I don’t even see myself in a negative light at all. So I might be making tiny steps towards progress if you can call being neutral about one’s own image progress. But that neutrality often leaves me feeling a bit blind, because I don’t really look at myself in a mirror unless I am deliberately searching for whatever flaw I might have, either real or perceived. Often, I wonder what is wrong with me that I can be so conscious of my own appearance that I can’t just relax and see the good things about myself.

Of course, then I tell myself that there is nothing good about my appearance and I move on to something else that nags at me or my self esteem or whatever. I’ve just accepted that I’m never going to be the “pretty one”; instead I’m considered smart and that is supposed to be enough in a society where the female form is supposed to aspire to reach unattainable heights of beauty that I know I will never see. And my partner always comes back to “Hello, Gorgeous.”


If you missed last week’s Wicked Wednesday, you can find it here.


He’d driven through a snowstorm to get to her and drove through it again to take her home. They barely made it upstairs with her luggage as exhaustion consumed them both. Crawling into bed with the intention of sleep was the only thing on either of their minds. But when they shared a kiss goodnight, it quickly became more than just a kiss.

Arms and legs tangled, lips met over and over, and she was so ready for him. His fingers found her wetness as they kissed, tongues tussling back and forth and he wanted to take her badly. He pulled lips from hers, fingering her pussy and whispered in her ear. “Come for me, so I can eat you.” Her body arched and as soon as her brain processed his words that long-awaited orgasm hit her like a freight train. And he lowered his mouth to taste her, licking her inner thighs at first then simply burying his head between them. She couldn’t help her moans and hoped they didn’t wake the neighbors. Her second orgasm ripped through her body and she lifted her hips from the bed, her back arched high before  falling back to catch her breath.

He waited for her, patiently, to be ready for him again when she sat up suddenly and gave him a naughty grin and growled, “My turn.” They tussled across the bed laughing and eventually she came out on top and took his cock into her pussy, clenching her muscles all the way down. Her hips rocked back and forth a steady slow motion that made them both gasp with pleasure. She leaned down and whispered in his ear. “Don’t come. I wanna suck you off and taste it.” He groaned and gave her an almost pained look. A naughty smile and a kiss was her only answer as she continued to ride his cock, chasing her own orgasm. He trapped her in his arms when she kissed him and began thrusting his hips hard forcing the much chased orgasm from her body. He swore softly, holding very still for her as she shuddered and he felt her muscles moving against him. Gods, she felt good.

Moving slowly, she slid off of his cock and immediately moved to take him in her mouth. She moaned softly tasting her own juices and sucked harder, before resorting to teasing him slowly with her lips and tongue. She knew he was more than ready for her, but she wanted to take her time and enjoy him because it felt like ages that she’d touched, although she’d only been gone about three weeks. That had been three weeks too long without him. And she wanted him to know that. So she showed him gently, lovingly watching his face as he relaxed into the pleasure. And then she purred around his dick and he almost shot straight up in bed moaning at the vibrations that produced. Looking up at him she innocently asked if she should it again. He nodded slowly so she lowered her mouth back to him, sinking as far down on his cock as she could and purred again, then sucked hard. He bucked his hips, forcing more of himself into her mouth and she let him, relaxing her mouth and throat and he began to face fuck her gently at first then harder gasping each time. Suddenly he froze in her mouth and she pulled back slightly as he began to come for her. She wanted to taste him like he had tasted her earlier. Mmmm, so good.