Can Maybe Sometimes Mean Yes?

(Just so we’re clear, I did not write this piece as some kind of weird defense against any of the recent current events involving sexual assault, harassment, and rape allegation that have been all over the media. I wrote this more from the point of view of being in a relationship and making negotiations about pleasure in those relationships.)

Alright everyone, hear me out here before you decide I’m crazy and don’t understand enthusiastic consent. I know that in a perfect world yes would mean yes and no would mean no, but what exactly does maybe mean? Is it a future yes or a future no? Is it supposed to be a polite, if unclear and vague, way of saying no? Does it come from a place of fear of saying yes or no?

Or does it come out of the idea that my partner might like something that I am ambivalent about? Could it be that I simply have a neutral attitude towards something and so I give the neutral answer? But how does that impact pleasure? If my partner never gets this thing that they want and enjoy, could that breed resentment or even anger? Sure it could. But if I’ve said maybe to whatever their sex act of choice is, that doesn’t mean I’ve committed one way or the other. It could mean I’m unsure because I don’t know what they want. It could mean that I am completely uninterested in it. Or the thing could just be kind of meh for me.

So, what if maybe, sometimes, under the right circumstances, meant yes? It means that a person in an actively consenting relationship could be willing to do a thing. It might mean that they do it simply to give their partner pleasure, but they are still willing to do it despite their own feelings towards it. And that is an OK thing to do. Hell, that’s a good thing to do if you ask me. I feel that it contributes to a healthier sex life over all.

However, I recognize that there are some things that some people simply won’t or can’t or don’t want to do. So in that case what does maybe mean? At that point it sees like a way to give your partner the hope that you might be willing to try something new when you’re not even open to it. In that case I would posit that maybe means no, but I would also suggest that you learn to communicate with your partner in such a way that saying no to them is OK. That avoids miscommunications and any vagueness regarding doing or not doing x, y, or z sexual activity. This ability also leads to a healthier sex life.

Now we get to the idea of maybe and consent. Does maybe imply consent? In a long term relationship where the people know one another well, it might or might not. That all depends on the nature of the relationship and how well the people in it can communicate their needs and wants. But if this is just a short term thing or a one time thing, I feel like the people involved have to be more clear than just saying maybe. Maybe can be ambiguous for many reasons and the root of those reasons should be known before assuming that maybe does, in fact, mean yes. So in the long run, I feel like maybe should automatically be treated as a no, except in certain circumstances, such as a long term relationship and even then it requires constant talking and dialog in order to make sure all parties are on the same page.

Have you ever told a partner maybe? How did they respond? Did you wind up doing whatever that maybe activity was anyway? Were you trying to politely say no? Or were you scared to say yes? All of those questions (and more I’m sure; feel free to share your own) are the reasons I ask if maybe can sometimes mean yes. What do you think about maybe instead of a definitive yes or no?


SOSS #4 (Because Our Shit Should Be Shared)

Girl On The Net
A sweet post about how sharing an “I love you” can mean so much more and how sometimes it can mean so many different things. It resonated with me because, like Girl On The Net, I often cannot find the eloquence to explain what and how I feel, so I default to a simple, “I love you”

The Other Livvy
In an incredibly thoughtful and well written post about coerced sex, bad sex, the recent sex scandals and a story of her own, The Other Livvy brings to light a large part of of what is wrong with our culture regarding the way women are raised to be demure and not say no and how men are conditioned to chase and pressure those same women. The distortion of rape culture is a theme here and this makes for a fantastic read.

Molly’s Daily Kiss
I think what makes this is the realization at the end that the other person is bound and watching the heat and pleasure of another person’s orgasm before being released to (presumably) have their own. This one made me squirm in my chair a little.

Kayla Lords
A short, super hot read by the inimitable Kayla Lords. I love late night/early morning fucks myself so I absolutely relate. Now go read this post and a bunch more of her stories cause they are always hot!

Miss Jezebella
A well written thoughtful review about a new toy from Rocks Off Ltd. that instantly made me want to get my hot little hands on one. Also, I love the backdrop for the photos.

Wicked Wednesday – Suitcase – (Unpacking Can Wait)

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

Trent swiped the key card in the door and the pair stepped inside, luggage trailing behind them. Rachel immediately took stock of the luxury before them and rushed further in, throwing open the curtains on the balcony that overlooked an ocean view. Rachel whirled around in excitement and grabbed the suitcases to begin unpacking so their adventures could begin.

He smiled at his new wife watching her indulgently for a moment, her sense of order and organization having kicked in. He mused that was perhaps one of the reasons they fit so well together as he was a bit scatterbrained at the best of times. But right now, he was focused solely on the gorgeous redhead flitting about the room. She stopped for a moment and turned to look at him and that was all it took. He pushed off of the door where he’d been leaning and strode towards her quite purposefully.

“The unpacking can wait, my dear.” He caught he around the waist and pulled her backwards into his arms where he trailed kisses down her neck before spinning her and playfully dipped her backwards before pulling her back up and kissing her the way he’d wanted to kiss her at the ceremony; the way that would have scandalized both their grandmothers and embarrassed Rachel as well. He would have loved to see that gorgeous blush that he loved so well. Right now he wanted to see her freckled skin flushed for other reasons. Rachel smiled and rubbed herself along Trent’s body, feeling the maleness of him against her and knew what he wanted as much as she did.

There was no slowness or tenderness here, just hot, urgent need. Trent was unzipping her floral dress as she was unbuttoning his slacks and in moments the pair was free of their encumbrances. He scooped Rachel into his arms and quite unceremoniously deposited her on the bed before joining her, kissing ravenously at her skin. He worked his way along her collarbones and down to her breasts stopping to suck and bite at her nipples in a way that made her squeal with delight and squirm against the bed. Hot lips slid down her belly and quickly to her pussy. She was wet for him and ready, but he wanted all of her first. Trent’s head dipped and he swiped his tongue across Rachel’s skin, tasting the most intimate part of her. Within moments she was panting as she neared an orgasm while Trent worked at her body with his mouth. Neither of them cared that her moans might disturb other guests and suddenly she was trembling around him as her thighs wrapped reflexively across his shoulders, a silent request for him to not stop.

But stop he did and climbed up the bed, pinning her body there with his. He reached down and rubbed himself against her, teasing her and driving her need higher. She clutched at his shoulders and pulled herself up to him, kissing the side of his neck with a renewed vigor. He moaned and dipped his head allowing her better access to his body and slowly pushed his way inside of her.

Her head fell back as she clenched around him and he moaned at the feeling. When her eyes opened and she met his lustful gaze she smiled fiercely and repeated the movement, making him groan with need. He held himself closer to her burying his face in the heated skin against the side of her neck, just so he could whisper all kinds of dirty things in her ear while he loved her. The contrast between his words and his slow movements drove her into a frenzy and she began to thrust wildly against him, wanting more and more. His own need grew driving him higher and deeper into her at the same time.

With no warning Rachel’s body stiffened beneath his a long drawn out moan that drowned out his whispers escaped from her red lips. Trent could feel the power of her orgasm wash through her body and it drove him over the edge. Rachel was still trembling from her first orgasm and the feeling of him pulsing inside her, feeling the warmth of him only made her come again, softer than the first time, but still intense in its own way. They shared another kiss and settled in to cuddle as they began their journey as husband and wife. Trent was right she thought; this was much better than unpacking.



#SOSS (My last S stands for Sunday)

So as much as I read other people’s blogs I am terrible at things like leaving comments and interaction and right now having a lot on my plate health wise makes things a little harder. Spoonie for life, yo! Anyway, my third SOSS post is going up and here’s the goods:

sub-Bee from “A to sub-Bee” has a great post about anal sex and the potential for accidental oopsies to happen, including a rather mortifying tale of their own that, while it isn’t quite the same as what I fear, is close enough. And it is definitely something I relate to as I have a lot of fear around unwanted sounds or sights or anything like that during sex. Thanks for such a relatable read!

Morag’s Moist Musings is a blog that is new to me, but one that is incredibly well done and so sexy. Their post about threesomes just set me off in the most delicious way and I also don’t seem to understand math as I completely agree two can, indeed, go into one!

Hey, Mrs. Robinson picked a great topic for her Wicked Wednesday post (there is a trigger warning attached to so please read with caution) this week, one that made me feel so many things, see the highs and lows, and gave an excellent peek inside their head and into life as well. I’ve been there in some ways Mrs. Robinson so just know that you’re not alone and that someone is proud of you.

Alright y’all, sadly I’m running short on time to get some other things done so this will be it for my #SOSS this weekend. Hope you enjoy the posts as much as I did and know that I’m grateful to be part of such a great community!




Wicked Wednesday – (Twenty One) – (Embracing the Numbers)

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

Sometimes I’m made to count. The first time was twenty one (the goal had been twenty four I believe.) Other times the numbers have varied, but always in the double digits. I haven’t counted in some time, but now it is definitely on my mind.

If I’m a good girl, and I always am so I’m told, I get to enjoy lots of orgasms. Sir doesn’t often make me count, but when they do I’d better keep track of those numbers, which is really hard to focus on when you’re coming like crazy. And sometimes being made to orgasm over and over is the best thing in the world. It clears my head of everything but the pleasure I’m feeling and the endless parade of numbers that I must try to remember, but often lose track of. Losing track sometimes means starting over. It becomes a war within my head between keeping the numbers straight and letting the pleasure wash over me.

It is a sweet torture, one that certainly has its own rewards. Being teased and fucked or toyed with until those orgasms hit. After a while they come slower and smaller, but are still there. And sometimes in a fit of sheer exhilaration I get the giggles or I cry and I can’t stop. I’m fine and unharmed, but my body just gets so overwhelmed at the feelings and experience as a whole that I need another way to get it out. It is the same as a spanking in that regard, but so very different at the same time simply because of the sensations I feel. Although now I’m wondering how it might feel to be spanked while I was trying to count orgasms. Hopefully I wouldn’t be expected to try and count swats as well. I’d never be able to keep things straight!

But there are times that I struggle with it too. Sometimes the orgasm(s) won’t come no matter how much I may want one, or twenty one, and that is when I get frustrated the most. I get plenty of hugs and reassurances from my partner, but am also reminded that I’m very different from many women who always struggle to reach orgasm. Or from those who are “one and done” because I am almost never going to be happy with just a single orgasm. My body just begs for more, often until it is too much and leaves me aching. I usually get called a greedy girl then and I can’t help but agree. I know that I’m lucky to be able to experience pleasure in the way that I do and I’m glad that I get to have such awesome sexual experiences with my partner. I don’t think I’d change a thing about it when it comes down to my orgasmic nature. Does anyone else agree or disagree? Have thoughts on being able to have multiples orgasms or just one or even none? How do those individual experiences affect you?