Ramblings on Boot Blacking

So I don’t know much about it, but I want to learn more about boot blacking. I only have my pair of Docs to care for and they are in dire need of a good polish. I taught myself a bit about it and have been polishing various pairs of boots I’ve owned for a long time, but after more research have realized just how much I don’t know (which is a lot!) I can’t wait to have more things to care for, like a quality leather flogger or paddle although I expect caring for them will be somewhat different than polishing my boots will be. Unfortunately, my partner isn’t into the shiny boots or shoes look so I can’t really do it as an act of service for them. But I can do it as an act of self care for myself and get lost in the feel and smell of leather, both of which I find to be incredibly erotic (so much so that I wrote a story about boot blacking from a submissive’s point of view.)

As I am reading and learning many things I’m finding that the very idea of polishing boots other than my own or my partner’s very intriguing, but I think it would also be very nerve wracking as I would be terrified of messing up. As someone with a very submissive mindset I think it would bother me greatly to make a mistake. Which means that even if I had the chance or skill level I doubt I would ever boot black at a leather or kink related event. I might, however, be willing to sit and have my boots polished. I think there would be something potentially charged in that exchange that I would enjoy. And by watching the process I might learn a thing or two about taking better care of my own leather goods.

I read a blog post ( https://leatherati.com/leatherati-bootblack-week-the-spirituality-of-bootblacking-36ed855a434b) that really spoke to me about how leather care can be a spiritual sort of experience and in some ways I think that it is something that I could use in my life to help me deal with some of my own personal demons. I want to see if it will help me manage some symptoms of bipolar or anxiety, although I worry that trying to do that could lead to my becoming slightly obsessive over keeping my boots clean and polished, which would be a difficult task given the winter weather where I live. But doing all the reading I’ve done and glancing over at my boots from time to time has left me almost aching to get down to business, but I don’t have polish or other supplies at hand just now so I’ll have to content myself with soaking up as much knowledge as I can find while I imagine the smell and feel of leather surrounding me. I’m genuinely looking forward to getting the supplies and applying myself at a task that I imagine many people would find to be arduous and time consuming.

Anyone reading this may wonder just how it relates to the more sexual topics that I typically write about, but I feel like learning to clean and polish my boots with care and skill is something that will let me improve my submission overall because I can give in to the feelings that I have and just surrender myself to them. This is something that I fight with as I’m (still) not always comfortable letting myself be vulnerable when I submit to Sir especially if I want to ask for something or share something and I want to be the best version of myself than I can be, not only for them, but for myself. I want to learn and grow and be more than I am. So for me, even if I’m not caring for anyone’s leather but my own, I want to be the best I can be at it, to let it teach me lessons that I might not have known I needed to learn, and to be able to have pride in a job well done just like I would from any other act of service, even if, in this case, the service is for myself. I’m also curious to see if I can reach a sort of head space or subspace in the repetitive nature of the task, the smell of leather and polish, and the general flow of the act itself and see how that affects me as well.

For anyone out there who has more experience with boot blacking than I do, I’m certainly open to comments or suggestions about how to learn more and become good at a skill that I know so little about. I know that reading can only get me so far and much of it I will have to learn by doing my own thing and figuring out what works for me. As I become better versed in the skill perhaps, sometime in the future, I will write a basic boot blacking 101 type post where I share what I’ve learned to help other people looking to learn, but for now I’m just going to polish my boots and let the journey lead me where it will.

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Thoughts on Aftercare

Aftercare is an essential part of any type of BDSM whether it is a long drawn out scene or a simple spanking when the kids aren’t home. It makes the end of playtime a much more comforting experience and can be a great time for bonding with your partner(s.) As a submissive I know that being held and loved and being able to slowly drift out of subspace and knowing I’m safe is just an amazing feeling. But to me, even in my own relationship, it feels like aftercare is mostly directed towards the submissive. However if you stop for a moment and think about it, dominants or tops need their own version of aftercare as things can be quite demanding on them as well. The questions to ask though are A) do they get that aftercare and B) how can we improve upon the idea of aftercare for them so they get something out of it?

My partner and I have discussed this particular topic more than once and sometimes the aftercare for them is simply being able to take care of me. That helps them come back to center and feel more settled. But I often wonder if I, as a submissive, am doing enough to help them get there because many times I’m a shaking puddle of happiness, drifting through subspace and that makes it hard for me to do much beyond hold onto them and tell them that I love them. Repeatedly. Maybe that is what they need most in that moment. Sometimes, however, they need some space to put themselves back together and that’s OK too. Usually I get a drink and cuddles and they make sure I’m alright before giving me a blanket and ensuring that I know they won’t be far and I can always call out to them if I need them. That is another thing that works for us. What works for us might not work for you.

On the flip side, perhaps you are the submissive who considers things like getting your dominant a drink and making sure their needs are met could be part of your aftercare too. Perhaps you arrange things before hand to make it easy, which is great for planned things, but harder for more spontaneous play (unless you’re super organized and always keep things ready for when anytime becomes playtime.) However you do it I think that finding a way to take care of a top, just as they take care of a submissive is an important thing in any relationship, no matter how serious or casual things are between the people involved.

Aftercare means different things to different people and it can vary so widely that I don’t want to attempt to guess at what it means for you personally. I do want to suggest that readers take a long look at how they practice aftercare and see if there’s a way things can be different that might allow the dominant person to receive more or better aftercare as it seems to be good for them as well. If they are struggling to be grounded after a scene, what can you do to help them come back to center? Do they need touch and closeness? Do they need space? And lastly, how can you combine the aftercare for a submissive with the aftercare of a dominant in a way that allows the people involved to all get what they need?

Give and Take

Alexis grabbed Seth by the shoulders and gave him a toe tingling kiss then a gentle push to knock him back onto the bed. She climbed up on the bed, straddling his lap and kissed him again, toppling them both over backwards with her forcefulness. When they came up for air several long moments later they were both giggling like a young couple, newly in love and Seth held tight to Alexis, not wanting to let her go. She kissed the tip of his nose and wriggled in his arms, enjoying being held and loved.

Seth rolled and now she was the one pinned to the bed by his greater weight and his slowly took her hands and placed them above her head. “Don’t move.” He trailed hot kisses across her jaw and down her neck, moving her t-shirt out of the way to reach as much of her skin as he could. Impatiently he tugged at the fabric, watching her face for any sign of resistance and seeing none, tugged a little harder, smiling as it gave way under his hands and he had unfettered access to her upper body. Alexis gasped at the cool air against her skin and squirmed a bit, stopping when Seth looked at her with intense dark eyes. She felt like a wild animal caught in his gaze and let herself relax into the bed, waiting to see where their adventures would lead tonight.

His strong hands found her breasts and squeezed them gently before tracing a path around her nipples, watching them pucker in response. He lavished her with his attentions, touching and kissing and pinching ever so gently until she made a small noise of desire in the back of her throat. His hips ground against her and she could feel his cock through his pants, pressing against her body and she arched upwards to rub against him. They both sighed at what felt like perfection and Seth slowly worked his way down Alexis’ body unbuttoning her shorts and removing them, grinning at her when he found her sans underwear. “Naughty girl,” and he kissed the top of her pubic mound before sliding away and pulling her to the edge of the bed and spreading her legs to reveal her sex. He kissed and nibbled at her inner thighs, stroking the tiny creases and crevasses of her body with his fingertips. A fire began to build in her belly as he teased her body, touching here and there, knowing just how to elicit a response from her.

Finally as she bucked her hips he slid a single finger into her wetness and curled it upward. That was all it took as she shuddered through her first orgasm of the evening, one that had been building since the moment they first kissed. His finger slid back out and he looked up at her watching her face as he slowly and deliberately sucked the taste of her from his skin. Her eyes closed and her hips lifted, silently begging for more. Seth was only too happy to oblige and gave the woman in front of him what she wanted as he licked and sucked at her clit, slid down to taste her pussy, and flicked his tongue against her skin. Alexis’ moaned and lifted her hips higher. It felt like his mouth was everywhere at once and she was trying to stay quiet so as not to disturb the neighbors, but it felt so good to have such attention lavished upon her. Seth grinned at the little noises she was making and increased his torment of her lovely body, wanting to make her come for him one more time before he fucked her. He wanted her to know he loved her, but also that she was his in a way that was indisputable. So he buried his face into her body licking and sucking and stroking forcing orgasm after orgasm from her. He’d stop now and then to plant kisses along her skin, to nibble at her thighs, and to do his best to show her he loved her. But eventually she grabbed at his hair, pulled him up so she could see his face and spoke, “Fuck me.”

This is what Seth had been waiting for, what his cock had been rock hard for, and he planned to do exactly as she told him. He stood, shucking his pants, and reached for her. She lifted her arms to him, welcoming, and his cock found her pussy, wet and ready after his feast. They both moaned at the initial contact and Alexis wrapped her legs around Seth’s hips as she leveraged her body up and against his so she could feel him deeper inside. They shared a kiss, grinding their bodies together, a dance as old as time itself. And then they were both on the bed, her beneath him once more as he fucked her. First it was a slow, lazy fuck, making them both shiver with pleasure and building anticipation. Slowly it grew to something more. Something harder, faster, more primal.

Alexis dug her fingernails hard into Seth’s broad shoulders crying out with delight as she felt his cock rub just so inside of her and shuddered her release. He gave a fierce smile as she tightened around him and looked down at her as she gasped and squirmed while he fucked her. “I love you.” And those three little words sent her flying again, higher and harder this time. Her legs tightened around him and she clung to him as hard as she could reaching for a kiss from this amazing man and simply melted into the sensations they shared.

Seth was dizzy with desire by now and could feel his cock throbbing as he pounded in and out of Alexis. He was more than ready to come, he wanted to feel those deep muscle spasms around his cock one more time though so he reached between them and pinched at her clit, just hard enough to make her hips buck wildly as she embraced the small bit of pain with all of the pleasure. Now, he thought, now he could let himself go. And he drove into her body hard and fast as she writhed and coiled around him. He groaned as he held stock still, squeezing her hips, head thrown back as his own orgasm took his breath away. Slowly they both recovered from the moment of pure bliss and got situated in the bed to curl up, content for now, to just be.

Wicked Wednesday – 319 – Let Your Partner Say No

I’m guessing that some of you read the title of this post and immediately though, “Well duh, Livvy”, but I’m not just talking about giving or removing the idea of enthusiastic consent here, although that’s obviously important as well, even in relationships where there is also implied consent. There is something more to be said for letting your partner say no within a sexual situation (or any situation really.)

Having agency within one’s life, sexual or otherwise is incredibly important and, I feel, incredibly freeing. You’re not obligated to go along with the crowd and it lets you do what you need or want to do both in and out of bed. This is something that I think many people think about too much because going with the flow has always been encouraged, especially, it seems for girls and women. We’re expected to say yes to all kinds of things, even when we want to say no. But back to saying no in a sexual context without specifically removing consent.

Here’s an example of what I mean. Let’s say that my partner wants to try bringing food into the bedroom to play with, but on their own they decide that I wouldn’t like it and therefore they don’t bring the idea up at all because they have essentially already made the choice for me (i.e. assumed I’d say no.) BUT, if my partner comes to me outside of a sexual context and says hey, maybe we should get some edible chocolate and some whipped cream to play with in bed. Suddenly I have agency again and I can decide if it is something I want to do or not. For the record, it would be a no; I’ve heard that the edible chocolate stuff is really gross and I don’t want to be sticky from whipped cream. By not making a choice for me, my partner has given me a choice to say yes or no to that particular act. Notice that I’m not saying no to sex as a whole or to other things, but just to the idea of food in bed. It can be your yum, but it certainly isn’t mine.

The example above is pretty clear and concrete and defines what I mean relatively precisely. And it can be about anything between you and your partner, whether its related to your sex life or not. It’s simply another good way to share your lives together and to communicate in ways that give you both the power to say yes or no to any given thing at any given time. There’s no pressure or expectation that something has to be done, especially when we focus back on sex, and instead it creates an open dialog that might given you more or different or better ideas of things to suggest to your partner.

So, yes it is a form of consent to let your partner say no to something just like any other type of consent that is out there, but in this case it can give them the freedom or permission that they need to say no in other parts of their lives as well because they may feel empowered knowing that they can say no to you, so they can say no to others. Never assume that you’re idea is too kinky or weird or vanilla or whatever and that your partner won’t like it. Just ask them!

 

Wicked Wednesday – 318 – Recreate

 

So lately I’ve been struggling really badly with my bipolar disorder. I’m incredibly depressed and haven’t been able to handle much in the way of running my life. And I’ve spent all weekend wondering what to write about for Wicked Wednesday or even if I was going to be able to write a post. Much angst ensued. Even now these words are hard to write.

What could I recreate? A retelling of some famous tale? A memory brought back to life? And then I knew. I realized exactly the thing that I need to recreate. And it has nothing to do with sex or erotica and everything to do with me. I feel like (and have felt like) that I lose parts of myself to my bipolar disorder. It just takes things away from me like a parent disciplining a child, but I don’t always get them back as a reward for good behavior. If I did, my life would likely be much simpler.

But the thing that I need to recreate, somehow, is that spark that I used to have for writing and blogging and doing things with my life, no matter what they are. I’ve become so desensitized, so numb to everything but the depression that I’ve let that gift slip away from me. And right now, I have no idea how to get it back. I take my medications and I go to therapy, but when you’ve been subconsciously downplaying things to your therapist that doesn’t help much. I had an “Aha!” moment regarding that subconscious behavior just the other day. I’m sure my next therapy appointment should be fun. But back to finding a spark of…creativity, life, energy, I don’t know what to call it. Maybe all of those things.

How do I do this? I don’t think I can force it and I don’t want to force it. OK, I do, but that’s because I hate who I’ve become and want instant change, but I’m pretty sure that’s not how this all works. It is going to be a long road I think and a journey that only I can make. Where do I start? How do I begin? I don’t even have those answers. So until I can find them or figure them out am I doomed to wander lost, trapped inside my head? I don’t think so. I think I can try to actively move forward even with the depression and anxiety weighing me down. It just won’t be fast or easy to do.

So, I guess, this week folks, instead of some steamy erotica or sexy fun, I’m baring a part of myself open to be recreated somehow. If anyone has any sage advice or suggestions I’ll certainly take them into consideration and see how they might help me out, help me be me again, and find my way back into something resembling light even if it is dim.

 

 

Are Cellphones the Ultimate Sex Toy?

Almost everyone owns one. We’ve gone from the big, blocky monstrosities to sleek computers that we carry in our pocket or purse. We use them for all kinds of mundane things from actual phone calls to getting directions, and, of course, watching porn. But watching porn isn’t quite what I’m getting at here, although porn in and of itself can be sexy.

But how can we use phones as sex toys? I mean sure most of them vibrate, but I’m pretty sure that’s not exactly what that function was designed for. However, with cellphones comes instant communication and constant access. And that’s a great thing in many ways if you want to keep in touch with people all the time or if you have a busy schedule, but again that’s not sexy.

You know what is sexy though? Getting to work and shooting your partner a suggestive text message. Getting one back in reply. Spending the day trading sexts and maybe even photos if your job allows you that kind of privacy. It lets you build up the anticipation, the desire for one another over a period of hours, which can be incredibly important to someone with a responsive desire mindset and also, incredibly sexy. So in some ways, a cellphone makes an excellent sex toy, if you’re focused on the mental aspect of things and want to create desire in yourself and your partner But there can be some concerns with turning this little device full of data into a virtual sex toy, by putting it to work as a way to communicate your sexuality and sexual needs.

Speaking of communication, how is this digital form of it important in the great scheme of things? And how does it change our interactions with people? Again we are back to that instant accessibility. If you have consent you can sext anyone, anytime. You can have good “old-fashioned” phone sex. You can make a booty call. And this all happens because someone invented a portable telephone and then refined the idea until we have modern cellphones. But the downside the always being accessible is that you’re always accessible. People expect to be able to reach you regardless of the time of day or what you’re doing. It can be exhausting to be that “on” all the time. But it definitely changes how we act with and react to different people. Sometimes a dick pic is a welcome thing and it is fun to trade photos, but if the wrong person sends you that same picture you’d be offended or grossed out or both. And speaking of naughty pictures that maybe you don’t want Grandma to see at a family dinner (don’t leave your phone unattended folks) privacy can become a big concern.

So how private is that communication that you’re sharing? Sure, it is meant to be a for your eyes only kind of thing for you and your partner, but what many people don’t realize is that phones can be hacked and data mined just like your email or Facebook account can be. Unless you have zero apps on your phone, it probably knows far more about you than you realize. There are ways to mitigate this particular issue if you are truly worried about privacy. One of them is, of course, to not engage in the behaviors, but what fun is that? To my knowledge, one of the best private messaging applications out there for sensitive communications is called Signal. Signal is designed specifically to encrypt data end to end, does not store data on its servers, and can delete messages and leave no trace that they were ever there. Much more secure than say, Snapchat for example. Of course, if you’re the type that likes to save and re-read messages or look at photos then Signal won’t do, but if you want your privates to stay private, that’s an option.

So what do you think? Is a cellphone the ultimate modern sex toy where you can arouse a partner with just a few words sent from one screen to another? Or a suggestively naughty picture to their Snapchat? Have you used your cellphone to sext, share photos, or otherwise engage in sexual activity? If you haven’t done it, would you want to? There is a myriad of questions to be asked all ranging from the sexual nature of the communication, how the communication itself affects us, and how we can keep these communications private. The final take away that I hope my readers get from this piece is that using technology to spice up your sex life can be fun and exciting, but should be done in a way that protects both parties while still allowing them the freedom to explore themselves and their sexuality with their partners.

Wicked Wednesday 309 – Conviction – (I, Submissive)

 

We all have strong beliefs that shape us and make us into the person that we are. I strongly believe in being myself, whatever that means. In this particular instance though, I’m talking about sexual submission because that is a part of who I am. My submission is so much a part of me that I spent years feeling incomplete without it and struggling to understand why I felt like I needed it so much. I still struggle with they why of it sometimes.

But there’s something about service and submission that just does it for me. I crave that power exchange and while I have it in my life now, I am greedy and want even more of it. I don’t think I could do a Total Power Exchange 24/7 kind of D/s relationship. I do think I could use a bit more discipline and structure in my life and while I can be disciplined and make a schedule and whatnot on my own, that’s not the same as submitting to what someone else wants in regards to what I want or may not want. Like food. I have complicated issues with food. But if my partner and I are out and they order for me, even if they’ve consulted me about what I want, those issues vanish temporarily because it is OK for me to eat the food without feeling guilty because Sir says its OK.

There are so many things like that, that are part of my submission and I’m sure there are some that are as yet undiscovered. They’ll come in time as my submission improves and deepens and I become more in tune with what I want and need as a submissive. I’ve always felt that this was a lonely road to walk because I’ve never had people I could talk to about being submissive and what it means to them or to me. I could never open up to anyone about this side of my life because I simply didn’t know anyone who might even begin to understand. Now I’m learning that while the conversation would be nice, I don’t have to have it. I can explore my submission through writing or reflecting or even talking to my Sir. I’d still love to hear and learn from other submissives experiences because I think growth and change are an important part of leading one’s life, no matter how you choose to live it.

I think that my next goal in improving myself to be a better submissive will be to continue to work on learning to love my body just the way it is instead of the way I wish it was. Then when I am tied in ropes or left otherwise exposed I can focus on the event that is happening instead of wondering if the rope makes me look like a sausage about to burst from its casing or if my partner is repulsed by my rolls or my body as a whole. Logically, I know they aren’t. They show me every day that they think I’m beautiful just the way I am, but wrapping my mind around that one is hard. So here’s to pushing through that mental block, past those voices that whisper inside my head. Here’s to using these beliefs as a springboard to a better me.

Where will I go from here? Only time will tell, but I want to be a submissive that makes my Dominant proud. Proud to have me, proud to love me, proud that they have helped me become a better person through my submission. I, submissive, want to be good.