Casual intimacy in my relationship is not an uncommon thing. We share little touches, inside jokes, and looks that only we can read, among many other little gestures. We cuddle just for the sake of cuddling. We kiss gently for no reason other than to share a kiss. We cook together in a tiny kitchen that is barely big enough for two. Basically, our intimacy is part of our every day life.
This creates a strong feeling of closeness and togetherness that is, in my opinion, often better than any sex we could have. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not knocking the sex, it’s great, but it is the little things that are the glue that keeps us together.
And the effect that those little intimacies has means that when I am craving touch and perhaps my partner hasn’t thought about it I can say to them, “Hey, come cuddle with me.” Sometimes it leads to more and sometimes it doesn’t. And it is OK either way it happens to go. But it makes us better and stronger. It is also a great help because we suffer from mismatched libidos and sometimes I want something more than they do or they aren’t up for sex at all. We compromise and find other ways to satisfy that intimacy, even if it means my partner getting me off or holding onto me while I get myself off.
And now we’re getting into more than just causal intimacy I suppose, but when you’ve been together for a period of time doesn’t everything become kind of casual? Sex isn’t always perfect. You might laugh mid-orgasm and break the mood a little. Things might go sideways somehow; you never know what might happen when you engage in sex. Perhaps you haven’t shaved you legs in a few days, but your partner isn’t going to care all that much because they love you and care for you and want to share an intimate experience with you.
Ultimately, everything from tiny kisses to murmured “I love yous” is going to bring a couple closer together in some way. It’s part of sharing and building a life together, part of caring for another person. The effects of intimacy on a relationship cannot be overstated as anything other than a good thing.
Conversely, what about the lack of that intimacy in a relationship? I’ve been on both sides of the coin, you see, and the sheer lack of touch and affection left me starved for it. Even now I crave it sometimes simply because I need it, other times because it feels like an approval of me and who I am and that I am lovable. Lacking intimacy in a personal relationship breed resentment and fear and eventually it can lead to a complete and total breakdown of the relationship itself.
When this happens you can try couples counseling or trying reintroducing intimacy slowly back into your lives, but it must be done carefully so as to not upset the delicate balance you and your partner are trying to achieve, which is a happy medium that you can both live with, particularly if one partner isn’t terribly affectionate to begin with. Sadly, it isn’t always possibly to do so and the relationship fails through no one’s fault, but merely a lack of emotional and physical intimacy.
Because this emotional and physical intimacy is so important to keeping a happy and thriving relationship alive, it must be worked on and nurtured and almost become second nature to you and to your partner. Always take a moment to give them that kiss or hug, make sure they know that they are a priority in your life and your relationship will be all the richer for it.