Honeymoon

Princess Adrienne and her new husband stepped off of the plane and right onto the warm sands of a small private island in the Pacific. Here they would be free to romp, play and enjoy one another to the fullest before having to resume their duties, although Gordon would no longer be expected to work as a guard, but instead appear with the Princess at various functions as well as on his own as a representative of the kingdom. The idea that he would formally be christened an Earl upon their return from the honeymoon somewhat unnerved him; he would certainly be happier if he could just keep being Adrienne’s bodyguard. But he had known exactly what he was getting into marrying his Princess as her father had explained it to him before he asked Adrienne to be his wife.

They settled into the small ocean front bungalow and Adrienne changed into a basic black swimsuit that hid everything it revealed. Gordon just stared at her; he knew he’d never get tired of the woman before him. Before he could change into his own swimsuit Adrienne was gone, walking into the clear blue water. He followed at his leisure just marveling still that she’d said yes. Tonight he’d show her just what that yes had meant.

That evening after a lazy dinner they curled up in the big bed together and just settled, content with one another. Finally Gordon couldn’t resist and turned her to him for a kiss. Adrienne snuggled closer kissing him back, still a little amazed that she was married to this man. They clung together sharing kisses for several moments, almost as if this were all new to them. And then it wasn’t new, but urgent and hungry and Adrienne whimpered at the sudden force of his kisses and his hands on her body. She pressed closer, wanting more of this, of him. And he gave it, hands roaming her bare skin, finding all those sensitive places that she loved to be touched, grabbing at her gorgeous ass, and overloading her body and mind with sensation.

Adrienne giggled when he playfully swatted at her rear end and had the audacity to wiggle it at him. So he popped her again laughingly and they played this game for several more hits before Gordon looked at her. “Kitten, is this your way of asking for a spanking?” She tilted her head for a moment as if in thought and then squirmed again laughing. “Maybe.” Her voice was breathy and soft. “Maybe? I think a maybe is a yes. You haven’t had a good spanking in quite some time have you?” “No Sir.” “Well, let’s change that.”

And Gordon quickly re-positioned her across his lap. She could feel his cock pressing into her belly and wiggled against him. He smacked her ass considerably harder than he had before. “Stay still.” He began to deliver rhythmic slaps to her ass, alternating cheeks and slowly increasing the hardness of his hits. Adrienne wrapped her hands around his leg and tried to stay still, but it got harder with each heavy smack. Finally when her ass was nice and red he stopped and rubbed at the inflamed skin which made Adrienne gasp. Then he trailed his fingers down her ass and between her legs. “Naughty girl. You enjoyed that far too much.” And he teased her body with his fingers watching her try to lift up to meet his touch. “Nope. Not yet Princess.” He moved his hand away and gave her ass one good final smack then pulled helped her to her feet where he motioned for her to turn.

Adrienne moved as he directed and when she came to face him again he was smiling delightedly. “Kitten, you’ve made me a very happy man. But you can make me even happier.” He scooted back up onto the bed, motioning for her to join him and as she reached him, his fingers found themselves tangled in her hair and he gently pushed he face towards his throbbing cock. “Be a good girl Princess.” His voice was slightly rough and she was reminded of that first time he fucked her on the ship. She definitely wanted to be good. Her warm mouth enveloped his cock and her head bobbed up and down slowly for a minute, then she really began to work. Gordon groaned when she sucked hard and had to resist the urge to nearly choke her when she hummed softly. Those vibrations made him want to return the pleasure and his hand left her hair. “Kitten, I have a challenge for you. Turn around and we’ll see who can make the other come first.”

There was some adjusting and giggling, but eventually the couple settled happily into a sixty nine position and Adrienne, determined to win, dove back down on his cock before he could so much as taste her pussy. Gordon pulled her closer to him and began to kiss and lick and nibble at her labia, swirling his tongue against her skin. He was teasing her, trying to make her lose her focus, but he quickly realized that his Princess was too driven to be distracted so easily. So he smiled and kissed her, his tongue tracing sensitive skin before delving lightly inside of her, savoring her sweetness. He licked his own lips and pulled her closer burying his face against her.

Adrienne, for her part, was enjoying his cock like a delightful treat, licking and sucking at it gently and then harder and finally taking him as deep as she could take him into her mouth. Each time she did this she tried for deeper; she was going to deep throat his cock one of these days and she thought if she could focus enough to do it now she might win their little game. Unfortunately, for both of them, they kept getting distracted by the other person’s ministrations and would stop to gasp or moan, to breathe, and to try and control their impending orgasms.

Gradually their self control began to wane and they were bucking and squirming against one another. Every time Adrienne wiggled Gordon would reach around and swat her ass, which made her laugh, which sent delightful vibrations along his cock and made him moan which gave her those same vibrations. But every time Gordon bucked his hips Adrienne relaxed her jaw a little more, letting him slide farther into her mouth before pulling back and sucking hard. She could hear his breath catch every time she did it and could tell he was fighting an orgasm, determined to make her come first. She was right on the edge herself and knew the instant he came she would as well and suddenly, desperately for release she was sucking him for all she was worth. He moaned and catching on to her idea wrapped his lips around her clit and sucked hard. They bumped together awkwardly, but neither one cared as the moment she tasted him in her mouth her own orgasm hit and she covered his face with her come while swallowing his down like a good girl.

Gordon kissed the inside of her thigh and they untangled themselves laughing together about who won. Adrienne was adamant that she’d won and he just laughed and kissed her. His Princess, his Kitten, his wife.

Advertisements

Fat and Sexy: Learning to be Both

So my last fat and sexy post was in September of last year and it was a shit show. I was having car trouble, knee trouble, and various other issues that I felt related to my problems with being fat and sexy. Fast forward to now and I’ve found out that I have arthritis in both knees that is probably only going to get worse so some of the physical activities I wanted to get involved in are probably either a straight up no go or not a good idea, no matter how much I might want to. Of course, I can also ask what physical activities because I’ve basically been a slug since February. But I’m trying to address that by getting back into yoga. Dear Gods, it is harder than I remember it being and I already knew it would be hard.

But what prompted me to write this post was something I read by the Formidable Femme herself, Sarah Brynn Holliday. Her post “When Do I Get to Celebrate My Fat Body?” took me back to all the times my ex disparaged my weight or otherwise made me feel self conscious about my body. It was so bad that I couldn’t stand to be naked around him or let him see my body. By the end of our relationship though I had lost weight and was finally “skinny enough” (as far I was and still am concerned I was still fat.) But it was too late at that point because I had decided it was over. Not him.

But no matter what size I was then or what size I am now, I still feel damaged and broken. My current partner assures me otherwise frequently, but when I can’t stand to see my own body reflected back at me in the mirror, when I try to eat less, when I try to be smaller because smaller is better, what does that say? It still tells me that I’m not worth the time or the effort, that I’m not good enough and that I’ll never be good enough. I fight this fight just as much as I fight to keep my bipolar disorder under control.

However, as much as I can relate to the post referenced above and how heartbreaking it is for me to see myself fight to be smaller and take up less space in a world where fat people aren’t given license to exist, I am also starting to relate to the idea that fat and sexy are not mutually exclusive of one another. My partner greets me with a kiss and “Hi Gorgeous.” on a regular basis. I’ve finally stopped cringing when they call me that. I don’t roll my eyes anymore, although I will still duck my head a bit, not because I’m ashamed, but because the (still unexpected) compliment embarrasses me a little because I don’t know how to gracefully accept a compliment of that caliber. I’ve never seen myself as striking or pretty or even cute so gorgeous is right out. But I hear it all the time. What do I do; how do I reconcile what I see in the mirror with what I’m told?

And the only answer I have is that I don’t know. So I try to just let it wash over me and be as accepting of it as I can instead of being ashamed of who I am and what I look like. I’m fat, even when I’m “skinny” I’m still fat, and I doubt I’ll ever be at my smallest size again. I mean come on, 2 pounds and 12.5 ounces is just unrealistic for someone my height! Yes, I just made that awful joke. In all seriousness though, I ask the question why can’t I be both fat and sexy? What is stopping me from being both? Is it just all in my head and a matter of confidence? Is the answer really that simple? It doesn’t seem like it is. But what do I know? I’ve never had the confidence to know what being both fat and sexy is. Maybe though, just maybe, I’m learning.

A Night Out

Ellie grinned at Matt in the darkened theater and reached for his belt, watching him closely. He looked at her for a long moment, then looked at her pale hand resting against him and grinned back at her. They shared a quick excited kiss and Ellie’s nimble fingers went to work on his belt buckle. She quickly leaned over him and before anyone could’ve noticed what they were up to in the back of the theater her warm mouth had engulfed his cock. He bit his lip to stifle the moan that tried to escape and held very still, enjoying the feel of her mouth wrapped around him.

A muffled giggle came from Matt’s lap and she began to tease him, licking at the head of his cock, running her tongue along the shaft gently, before finally taking all of him once more. Matt’s fingers slid from the armrest to wrap themselves in Ellie’s hair, holding it out of the way so he could see as much as possible in the dark. HE gasped softly and wanted so badly to thrust his hips, but he knew the squeaky chairs would give them away so he stayed very still while his lovely wife tortured and teased him to the edge of orgasm before stopping.

She leaned up and whispered to him, “I’m not wearing any panties and I want you to fuck me, right here, right now.” Matt’s eyes widened at her words and sat forward in the seat a bit so Ellie could sit in his lap and ride his cock in a movie theater where people only had to look behind them and they’d see what was going on. Ellie moved cautiously, also aware of the seats and began to slowly rock herself back and forth on Matt’s cock. His hands found her breasts and pinched at her nipples through the dress she wore. “You’re not wearing a bra either are you?” She shook her head no in response to his question and felt him twitch. Bubbly laughter threatened to overwhelm her, but Matt clamped his fingers down on her nipples and made her bite her tongue to stop the tiny noises she normally made from slipping out of her mouth.

As he released them to feel the weight of her in his hands she squeezed tightly with her muscles and began to use them to milk his cock. She sighed softly and leaned back against him. Matt took the chance and trailed fiery kisses along the side of Ellie’s neck and reached down to hold her hips steady. He could feeling her tightening around him and wanted so badly to bend her forward over the seats in front of them and just fuck her as hard as he could. He kissed her neck again, silencing the groan that wanted to come from his lips and dared to thrust against her very gently. The seat didn’t make a sound so he keeps his movements up as she rippled against him. Between the motion of her muscle and his gentle thrusting they were both ready to explode. Ellie tilted her head back, “Don’t come. I want to taste you mixed with my juices.” Matt swore softly under his breathe and then shuddered as he felt his wife’s climax around his cock.

Ellie slid from his lap and quickly turned and sucked him into her waiting mouth. She muffled a moan at the taste of them mixed together and sucked hard, wanting to feel his orgasm. Matt’s hips bucked once, then twice, and he forced himself to be still. Ellie slowly slid her mouth against him, up to the tip and sucked gently, her tongue lashing at the same time. She reached down and ran a finger along his balls and could feel them tightening up. He was so close. And then there it was as she descended back onto his cock, taking him almost into her throat he let out a half gasp, half moan that was covered by the noise of the movie and came hard, right into her beautiful, waiting mouth. Ellie swallowed several times as he pulsed in her mouth before slipping away from him and sitting back in her seat.

Fat and Sexy: Falling Apart

So right now I’m starting to feel like this post should just be titled “Fat: Falling Apart.” There’s nothing sexy to it I’m afraid. I certainly don’t feel sexy. I need a haircut badly and that always makes me feel unattractive, but what also has me down is my complete and utter lack of gym attendance. Granted for most of July my car was broken so I had no way to get there and as of August I’ve been battling a knee injury that sent has me in physical therapy, but neither of those things change the fact that I feel like all the hard work I was putting in at the gym seems to be for naught.

However, my wonderful partner who is already incredibly attentive and loving has been even more reassuring of how I look and affirming to me that I am wanted and desirable. And I’m finally starting to be able to let myself believe it in tiny ways. It can be hard for me to hear, despite how it does make me feel, but that’s only because I never learned to take a compliment with any grace whatsoever. So maybe this is my silver lining that I’m starting to see the things in me that my partner has seen in me and has told me about for years.

Once therapy wraps up though and I’m back to myself (assuming of course that my knees aren’t wrecked beyond repair) my plan is to start back up in the gym and hopefully start to lift weights and roller skate again. Even if I don’t manage to drop a pant size like I wanted to by the end of the year being active and going to the gym will keep pushing me towards that goal. And for whatever reason that drop in numbers itself will make me feel better about myself. I know it isn’t healthy to tie weight loss goals to things as arbitrary as a clothing size, but there is something about getting to the next size down for me that will feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my chest. I haven’t really examined the why behind this because I’m not sure if I care that much, but I do recognize it as unhealthy and somewhat obsessive of me.

So it looks like this month’s big take away from everything is that despite my injuries and troubles losing weight, my partner does still think I’m sexy and attractive and I’m starting to believe it when they tell me those things. Maybe one day I will see myself as attractive no matter what my weight or pant size is and can more fully embrace my own body for exactly what it is instead of for what it isn’t.

If you’d like to read more of my ramblings about being Fat and Sexy, there are several more posts scattered throughout my blog that can be searched for under the “Fat and Sexy” tagline.

Fat and Sexy: Onward and Upward

Alright. I survived going to the gym for three days a week and as of June I was going four days a week, except for the week I was sick when I didn’t go at all. Four days a week was hard. I really had to push myself to find the motivation to go, but if I can do four day then I can do five days. I even have my routines all planned out, especially since I learned last month that I could skate at one of the local branches of my gym. It means that by Fall when I start up the roller skating fitness class I’ve been taking when it is in session that I’ll be skating as much as 3 times a week and maybe more. Hopefully that will let me see an increase in pounds lost.

Although I did notice that my knee pads (for skating) are fitting me better and better so I must be doing something right and losing inches or something. Now if I could lose the inches in my arms so my elbow pads weren’t so tight. I need a new pair anyway. Also because I noticed my knee pads were fitting better I realized that it was progress and I was able to see it! Small progress, but progress all the same. And I’m starting to see it in my weight lifting as well. I may not ever be able to lift as heavy as I want to lift (squatting my own body weight would be admittedly cool), but I can lift heavier and heavier as I move along.

So yes, progress seems to be happening. Again, not quick enough for my liking, but I think a large part of it is my eating. I struggled for most of June with my portions and getting them under control and sometimes I still slip up, but I remind myself that losing weight is something like 10% exercise and 90% diet and so I keep trying to cut out excessive sweets and large portions. This isn’t to say I deny myself sugar because I simply couldn’t do that completely. I’m not that self sacrificing y’all. But rather swinging through the drive thru for an iced coffee once or twice a week I’m cutting it to maybe once or twice a month. I’m trying to add more lean protein into my diet and seeing if I can learn to like cottage cheese because of it. It’s sort of working, but only if I pair it with some fruit or something. I much prefer yogurt, but I know it can be loaded with sugar.

Overall, I’m finding that I am pretty happy with my progress most of the time. I have bad days just like anyone would, but I also have good days, and sometimes even exceptional days where I’m just really feeling motivated and I might start out on the elliptical, lift weights, and then drive across town to the other branch of the gym so I can skate there. It might seem silly to make the drive, but if I want to succeed then I have to be willing to push myself further and harder and faster. So here I am and there I go.

Do I feel sexier? Not yet. Do I see progress better than I did before? I’m starting to. When will I feel sexy? Who knows. Does my partner find me sexy? Yes. Does that help my outlook on things? Certainly. So while I’m not where I wanna be, I can’t bring myself to order sexy lingerie to wear, or I still have a hard time with my own nudity. I’m getting to sexy. Slowly.

Will sexy be the be all, end all of my journey? Not even close, but it will help. I want to empower others like myself who are overweight and struggle to feel sexy to be comfortable in their own skin, whether that means a gym routine like mine or simply learning to love yourself the way you are. Sexy is, after all, a state of mind.

Fat and Sexy – Struggles

So I’d been doing better and feeling better for a while. I really had. But I started slacking for various reasons, none of which were good, and while I’m holding at a size 24, I still want to be smaller, healthier, and yes, sexier. Recently I was in physical therapy for some knee pain and while I’ve not been given any restrictions on what I can and can’t do, I’m still not DOING anything.

Which is making me feel awful and very, very much not sexy. My gym routine has basically become non-existent and that fitness class only has two more sessions before it goes on hiatus for the summer, which means if I want to stay in shape over the summer I have to hit the gym or skate outdoors. And I have to get back to watching what I eat because especially lately, I feel like my appetite has been out of control. I’m at a point where things are really getting hard for me and it all started when I quit going to the gym. To make it worse I had gained back some weight. Not much. Just enough to make me frustrated with myself, to feel like I was worthless.

So it looks like I need to do several things. Re-evaluate my goals to start with and see what I can do to help them along over the coming months. And my goals are simple things like the gym and skating and eating better. I can do all those things. I’ve done all those things. So I’m going to do them again. In fact, by the time you read this post, I should have been doing them again for at least a few weeks. Feel free to tweet at me and ask. Accountability is a good thing.

At this point though, I haven’t cried or shied away from the mirror too much. I’m trying to be more honest with myself about my body, what it looks like. And what it might look like after I lose weight when I realize that I still don’t like the way I look, which might happen. I’m also trying to handle the fact that I gained some weight back in a reasonable fashion. Yes, my immediate response was to be upset and I still find it bothersome that I slipped off the wagon so to speak, but is less than 10 pounds really that big of a deal? I mean it shouldn’t be and to a lot of people it probably isn’t. But to me I’m having to consciously make the decision to not let it be a big deal or I will obsess over it and only make myself miserable.

Right now, I know my strengths, my weakness, my failures. I also know my plans, my goals, and my reality. So it is time for me to get my shit together, turn all those negative things to dust and take the positive things and run with them. Well, not actually run because I’d have two black eyes…but you know what I mean I hope. I may be struggling right now, but there is always tomorrow and another chance to be better.

Fat and Sexy

I’m fat. I also struggle with feeling sexy because of it. Clothes don’t fit me properly, when I can find cute clothes at all mind you. I’m often limited to boring, plain cuts and colors because I refuse to wear the floral or big geometric prints that are something my grandmother would turn her nose up at. I gravitate towards darker more subdued colors as if I can take up less space that way.

Now I know I said in a previous post that you don’t always have to be sexy AND that I can be sexy because I am fat, but to be honest I don’t always ever feel that way. And I don’t think I am alone. Obesity runs rampant in today’s society, yet we are bombarded by models and actors and entertainers of all kinds who are the epitome of beauty, at least according to western or societal ideals. Even most plus size models are smaller than a size 14 or 16 I believe. The only exception I can think of to this rule is Tess Holliday and she is fucking gorgeous.

So what’s a fat girl to do when she can’t find cute clothes, feels frumpy and unattractive, and may suffer from body dysmorphic disorders because she’s spent years (maybe her entire life) being told she’s fat? Good question, and one that I don’t have a solid answer to. I’ve read plenty of books and websites and articles about how to accept your fat self and be happy. None of them ever really seem to stick even though they may resonate with me.

Now I’m sure there are people reading this and thinking, “Well go to the gym. Eat better.” etc. but it isn’t as simple as people make it sound. Perhaps finances prevent people from doing those things, perhaps other issues like mental health pose a problem, perhaps they live in a food desert. There are any number of reason why losing weight is hard. And if losing weight is hard, might feeling sexy be even harder? Might the apparent lack of pretty and affordable lingerie be a part of the problem? Might even your looking at your own reflection in the mirror be a problem?

I could list a million and one reasons why I hate my fat self, why I don’t feel sexy, why this is a a pandemic problem for women and men across the country. But what it boils down it is that we have been taught that fat equals unattractive and unsexy. Fat equals unhealthy. But what about when that’s not the case.? There are lots of fat people out there who can accept themselves as they are, without shame, and feel sexy no matter what society throws at them. Why, I wonder, can’t I, can’t we all?